I wrote this a while ago:-
https://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.com/2014/10/lust-love.html
But it's a beautiful thing. I think it might just be the best thing.
I am selfish. With all that is going on in this world.
The coronavirus and people being on lockdown and having to self isolate, it's probably quite lonely for a lot of people. But that isn't why I feel lonely and just so empty and pointless. I do not feel like there is a point in anything at all.
I split up with my girlfriend exactly a month ago. I have always said to people that are suffering through breakups that it will be fine and I always use a classic line and tell them that they haven't even met 99.9% people in the world yet and breakups happen for a reason and all that etc.
But the problem is that I am really old fashioned and that I believe that she is the love of my life and I do not have her with me anymore and I haven't felt this low since:-
https://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.com/2013/05/goodbye-dad.html
I feel like I have failed in life and that anything I want to persue or any kind of interest in anything means nothing. I miss all the beauthing things that she is. The most beautiful things were always from her or had something to do with her. Even though we also really did bring the worst out in each other-the absolute utmost worse. She bought out the worst in me and I bought out the worst in her.
But even those memories are beautiful.
I thought I tried my best. It wasn't good enough. I kept saying to everyone that even though I wasn't happy with a lot of things in my life, I slept in a kingsize bed with the most beautiful girl in the world. So it didn't matter. I'd made it.
Everyone keeps saying to just give it time. Including her-she said the same. That it will get better.
But I know it won't. In some ways, I don't want it to. Even though I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate on anything at all.
I love her. I miss her.
Sunday, 29 March 2020
Saturday, 20 July 2019
Has the world 🌍 gone mad?
I want to write a post about how mad the world seems to have gone. I know that all throughout history there has been utter madness but when I stop to think about it, sometimes it feels so weird and messed up that it's almost unreal. I sometimes believe it's some kind of nightmare. You can't say or do anything that is politically correct. In fact, you can't say anything at all that isn't going to offend someone out there and these days, ANYONE can express their opinion through social media-so...ANYONE could get offended.
Talking of political correctness first-or just politics in general, or just politically incorrect-Donald Trump is the president of The USA. Some people say that he is a sexiest, racist, fumbling mess. Vladimir Putin is the leader of Russia and Kim Jong-Un is the leader of North Korea. These three are the most powerful people in the world.
These three.
If someone had woken up from a coma 20 years ago to this world, it would not surprise me if they thought they had gone to hell. Or if not hell, then a madhouse.
Think about ISIS. What is that they actually want? Just to kill people because of the way they live and their lifestyles. I think. Anyone anywhere can do something and ISIS can claim responsibility for it. I know violence and wars have always been a part of history but this is really bad.
But forget about global uncontrollable madness. Let's talk about things that are a bit less serious but really strange anyway.
I have absolutely no problem with anyone unless they personally hurt me or hurt someone I care about-I must point that out.
I've always wondered that if a man was born and he believed that he was born in the wrong body and that he should have been a she, these days they can get a sex change and correct it-but how would the man know or think he knows what it would be like being female. What if he became a she and still didn't feel right? What happens then? Surely it's something else that needs to be addressed there. I'm an Indian. Born in Britain. I cannot change that whether I wanted to or not. I can't go to the operating theatre and ask to not be Indian. I can't take a magic potion that will turn me into someone else. It's who I am. If I didn't like it, I'd still have to accept it at some point.
Accept it.
There is a movie I saw recently where if people see something, they lose their minds and kill themselves UNLESS the person is already insane, so characters have to make their way through the movie blindfolded when they are outside. So of course, the trend becomes people trying things in real life like driving blindfolded as a challenge. As well as this, there have been other trends like someone showed me a video of someone who was driving a car, they put the car in neutral or cruise control, get out of the car whilst the car is still in motion, dance whilst being filmed and then post it on Social Media! What the heck?!
Hank Azaria who is a voiceover in The Simpsons doesn't want to voice the character of Apu anymore because after two decades of doing so, someone (I can't even remember his name) accused The Simpsons and the character of Apu of being racist. These are characters. Animated characters that are taking the mickey out of stereotyping. They are making the world laugh with it and people are now all of a sudden getting offended.
The world has already gone mad. Watch out for my next blog post on predictions on what will happen next in the world that will delve it further into the madness.
Talking of political correctness first-or just politics in general, or just politically incorrect-Donald Trump is the president of The USA. Some people say that he is a sexiest, racist, fumbling mess. Vladimir Putin is the leader of Russia and Kim Jong-Un is the leader of North Korea. These three are the most powerful people in the world.
These three.
If someone had woken up from a coma 20 years ago to this world, it would not surprise me if they thought they had gone to hell. Or if not hell, then a madhouse.
Think about ISIS. What is that they actually want? Just to kill people because of the way they live and their lifestyles. I think. Anyone anywhere can do something and ISIS can claim responsibility for it. I know violence and wars have always been a part of history but this is really bad.
But forget about global uncontrollable madness. Let's talk about things that are a bit less serious but really strange anyway.
I have absolutely no problem with anyone unless they personally hurt me or hurt someone I care about-I must point that out.
I've always wondered that if a man was born and he believed that he was born in the wrong body and that he should have been a she, these days they can get a sex change and correct it-but how would the man know or think he knows what it would be like being female. What if he became a she and still didn't feel right? What happens then? Surely it's something else that needs to be addressed there. I'm an Indian. Born in Britain. I cannot change that whether I wanted to or not. I can't go to the operating theatre and ask to not be Indian. I can't take a magic potion that will turn me into someone else. It's who I am. If I didn't like it, I'd still have to accept it at some point.
Accept it.
There is a movie I saw recently where if people see something, they lose their minds and kill themselves UNLESS the person is already insane, so characters have to make their way through the movie blindfolded when they are outside. So of course, the trend becomes people trying things in real life like driving blindfolded as a challenge. As well as this, there have been other trends like someone showed me a video of someone who was driving a car, they put the car in neutral or cruise control, get out of the car whilst the car is still in motion, dance whilst being filmed and then post it on Social Media! What the heck?!
Hank Azaria who is a voiceover in The Simpsons doesn't want to voice the character of Apu anymore because after two decades of doing so, someone (I can't even remember his name) accused The Simpsons and the character of Apu of being racist. These are characters. Animated characters that are taking the mickey out of stereotyping. They are making the world laugh with it and people are now all of a sudden getting offended.
The world has already gone mad. Watch out for my next blog post on predictions on what will happen next in the world that will delve it further into the madness.
Sunday, 2 September 2018
Goodbye Cookie
Our beautiful Dog was put to sleep yesterday.
Some people may have the nerve to say "it's just a Dog". I feel sorry for those pathetic people.
Cookie was so lovable, pure and unlike some Humans, he would never intentionally upset you. That is the same for most Dogs. They are loyal and caring.
Cookie was the most loyal and caring Dog in the world.
It wasn't easy to see him being put to sleep. It was like a bit of everything that was good in the world was being taken away.
Unfairly.
Personally, I think the world would be a much more beautiful place with Dogs like Cookie.
It is almost shameful being a Human. I think people could learn a lot from this.
Goodbye Cookie. Thank You.
I'm sorry for shouting at you for peeing on the floor. Who am I going to moan to now about the awfulness of Humanity?
Sleep tight you beautiful Dog. X
Some people may have the nerve to say "it's just a Dog". I feel sorry for those pathetic people.
Cookie was so lovable, pure and unlike some Humans, he would never intentionally upset you. That is the same for most Dogs. They are loyal and caring.
Cookie was the most loyal and caring Dog in the world.
It wasn't easy to see him being put to sleep. It was like a bit of everything that was good in the world was being taken away.
Unfairly.
Personally, I think the world would be a much more beautiful place with Dogs like Cookie.
It is almost shameful being a Human. I think people could learn a lot from this.
Goodbye Cookie. Thank You.
I'm sorry for shouting at you for peeing on the floor. Who am I going to moan to now about the awfulness of Humanity?
Sleep tight you beautiful Dog. X
Sunday, 21 January 2018
Carry on
On the night/morning of Monday 11th/Tuesday 12th of December 2017, I found myself uncontrollably crying in my bed. I couldn't sleep and I felt so down that I couldn't think straight, I was barely moving and had no clue what to do.
It felt like no matter what I did/do/was going to do was wrong. Nothing I did was right. No matter where I was. At work, at home, in between the two, wherever. A build up of frustration, sadness and lost hope had all finally got to me. I had work the next morning and tried to listen to some "music for sleeping" tunes on my earphones which was lovely but rather than making me sleep, it just made me want a harp and a piano. I was in a bad state. How the heck was I going to go to work that morning?
"I try my best and everyone keeps constantly shitting on me".
Everyones' circumstances are different and I am sure that a lot of people sometimes get like this. But what could anyone do to not feel like this? It took a long few hours but fear not my beautiful readers, I have some advice:-
People out there in the world are going to try and make your life hell. Sometimes things are not going to go your way no matter what you do. There are going to be people who take out their own frustrations on you. NOBODY will appreciate what you do. You won't get ANY support. They are going to make you feel down because that is just who they are and what they do. BUT THAT IS OK.
The reason being is that as long as YOU try YOUR best with whatever you are doing. Whatever goals/dreams/ambitions that you have. WHATEVER they may be, as long as you try your best regardless of what your situation is, regardless of what your circumstances are and regardless of what people say and/or do to you- as long as you know you do what you can to make things OK then....... it is OK.
If you can somehow (this is NOT an easy thing to do) take a step back from it all and look at yourself and just think :-
"Have I tried today?"
"Did I do the best I can?"
"Am I a good person?"
If you can seriously consider these questions and answer "Yes" to them and you believe it, then you've done it. I am not saying that you should do this everyday but when you are feeling low. When times are tough. There are going to be people and unfortunately maybe even those closest to you that are going to make you feel lower and make times tougher.
But you have to carry on. As lonely as it may feel sometimes. And as hard as it is.
It felt like no matter what I did/do/was going to do was wrong. Nothing I did was right. No matter where I was. At work, at home, in between the two, wherever. A build up of frustration, sadness and lost hope had all finally got to me. I had work the next morning and tried to listen to some "music for sleeping" tunes on my earphones which was lovely but rather than making me sleep, it just made me want a harp and a piano. I was in a bad state. How the heck was I going to go to work that morning?
"I try my best and everyone keeps constantly shitting on me".
Everyones' circumstances are different and I am sure that a lot of people sometimes get like this. But what could anyone do to not feel like this? It took a long few hours but fear not my beautiful readers, I have some advice:-
People out there in the world are going to try and make your life hell. Sometimes things are not going to go your way no matter what you do. There are going to be people who take out their own frustrations on you. NOBODY will appreciate what you do. You won't get ANY support. They are going to make you feel down because that is just who they are and what they do. BUT THAT IS OK.
The reason being is that as long as YOU try YOUR best with whatever you are doing. Whatever goals/dreams/ambitions that you have. WHATEVER they may be, as long as you try your best regardless of what your situation is, regardless of what your circumstances are and regardless of what people say and/or do to you- as long as you know you do what you can to make things OK then....... it is OK.
If you can somehow (this is NOT an easy thing to do) take a step back from it all and look at yourself and just think :-
"Have I tried today?"
"Did I do the best I can?"
"Am I a good person?"
If you can seriously consider these questions and answer "Yes" to them and you believe it, then you've done it. I am not saying that you should do this everyday but when you are feeling low. When times are tough. There are going to be people and unfortunately maybe even those closest to you that are going to make you feel lower and make times tougher.
But you have to carry on. As lonely as it may feel sometimes. And as hard as it is.
Thursday, 19 October 2017
When you're feeling down-It is OK to be sad.
How many times do you hear people say to you:-
"Everything will be alright"?
"Things are going to be fine"?
"It will all work out for the best"?
I don't know why or what makes the people that say these things feel the need to say these things. At all. Can they see into the future? No. What are they basing it all on?
I appreciate the fact that I have a bed (although I very rarely sleep). I have clothing, I have food. I do have the feeling which I can't shake off is that one day I may be homeless. If/when it happens then I guess I will face that when the time actually comes. But right now I am not. So that is a good thing. Although I am feeling incredibly down. So what do I do? What do people do?
It's difficult. Depression, Sadness, Worrying. There is ALWAYS something to worry about. So I am not here to tell anyone that things are going to be OK. I will never do that, because I don't know if they will be. What I am going to say is that it is OK to feel sad. And if it is all the time, then it is possible that you may have a mental illness so please try and see someone.
Too many people think they need to go out with a smile on their faces and make out like everything is OK. It is not always the case. Maybe certain jobs or things that you have to do require a small part of you to not be so sad and you have to have some sort of get up and go. I am not saying that doom and gloom is the way to go, but you don't have to feel that you have to be fake. If you are feeling down-talk to someone about it and do not worry about people judging you. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. It is an emotion.
It is almost exhausting. Keeping everything in. Pretending.
It's not worth it and there is no reason to feel ashamed if you are feeling down.
"Everything will be alright"?
"Things are going to be fine"?
"It will all work out for the best"?
I don't know why or what makes the people that say these things feel the need to say these things. At all. Can they see into the future? No. What are they basing it all on?
I appreciate the fact that I have a bed (although I very rarely sleep). I have clothing, I have food. I do have the feeling which I can't shake off is that one day I may be homeless. If/when it happens then I guess I will face that when the time actually comes. But right now I am not. So that is a good thing. Although I am feeling incredibly down. So what do I do? What do people do?
It's difficult. Depression, Sadness, Worrying. There is ALWAYS something to worry about. So I am not here to tell anyone that things are going to be OK. I will never do that, because I don't know if they will be. What I am going to say is that it is OK to feel sad. And if it is all the time, then it is possible that you may have a mental illness so please try and see someone.
Too many people think they need to go out with a smile on their faces and make out like everything is OK. It is not always the case. Maybe certain jobs or things that you have to do require a small part of you to not be so sad and you have to have some sort of get up and go. I am not saying that doom and gloom is the way to go, but you don't have to feel that you have to be fake. If you are feeling down-talk to someone about it and do not worry about people judging you. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. It is an emotion.
It is almost exhausting. Keeping everything in. Pretending.
It's not worth it and there is no reason to feel ashamed if you are feeling down.
Wednesday, 14 December 2016
Christmas time for me
Time for some catharsis guys. Get ready.
Having worked mostly in retail all my working life, it's almost a given that I hate the build up to Christmas.
"You've ruined my childs' Christmas!"
"Why can't you get more staff in?! I've been waiting half an hour!!"
"I want to see your manager! I am not happy!
"I'm next! I'm next!! I'm next!!!"
"I want! I want!! I want!!!"
People are really needlessly angry, stressed, annoyed. This is what Christmas is about-or at least has become about. The behaviour of some can get ridiculous. On a more personal level, the actual day-Christmas day...it really has never been too big a deal. Now I feel almost guilty celebrating it.
I used to always wake up around midday and slightly hungover. Irresponsible of course-as always. Fucking hell I was a shit son. My father used to get up early to make the food. There was always way too much food at the end of it. That was just his way though. Having struggled for food in the early years of his life, it was almost as if he had to make up for that shortage in his older years. My mother would be sat in the living room pissed off about nothing in particular and be watching some awful Indian TV show absolutely refusing to participate in anything festive-not because she hated Christmas, but just because she didn't seem to like it when people were trying to have a good time. My sister would arrive and then so would one of my dads' brothers. Everyone apart from my mother would then eventually sit in the dining room to eat. My mother would get pissed off at people having alcohol and trying to be merry. It was always slightly uncomfortable but oddly quite cosy at the same time. And it was good. What it was-was OK.
And now it is all different. My dad is not around. I don't really want to celebrate Christmas as it just doesn't feel right. But it is almost peer pressure. Everywhere you go, everyone you talk to-it is all about Christmas. I'm not Scrooge, I'm not a grumpy kind of "Bah Humbug" person and I'm definitely not one of those people who when witnessing the "magic" and "miracle" of Christmas can then be changed and then become happy and enjoy it. And not that I believe in Jesus. That subject is almost irrelevant to me. But the fact that people think more about a major brand of soft drink at Christmas than they do of Jesus Christ just does not seem right. Christmas is used for marketing. Christmas is used so people can say "I want this for Christmas".
Sorry, but why the heck should you get anything for Christmas?? Birthdays-yes. You were BORN on that day so whatever many years ago. It's a celebration of your life. Christmas is not celebrating, It is peer pressure and it is stressful and it is saddening.
So does not liking Christmas make me a bad person??
I thought-or would like Christmas to be about helping people. Having a day where you can find some kind of comfort from all the horrible people and the horrible things in the world. I think Christmas time is the time where in the UK, more people commit suicide than any other time in the world. I wish I could help stop this. I understand how the stress can get to people and how they cannot cope. People get in mountains of debt for one day of what they call "celebration". Not only should all of this NEVER happen but how has it even come to this?
I am made out to be a bad person, or a sad,/miserable person just because I do not like Christmas. It is uncomfortable for me. It is stressful, It is hypocritical, It upsets me.
But yet I am almost forced to participate in it.
Having worked mostly in retail all my working life, it's almost a given that I hate the build up to Christmas.
"You've ruined my childs' Christmas!"
"Why can't you get more staff in?! I've been waiting half an hour!!"
"I want to see your manager! I am not happy!
"I'm next! I'm next!! I'm next!!!"
"I want! I want!! I want!!!"
People are really needlessly angry, stressed, annoyed. This is what Christmas is about-or at least has become about. The behaviour of some can get ridiculous. On a more personal level, the actual day-Christmas day...it really has never been too big a deal. Now I feel almost guilty celebrating it.
I used to always wake up around midday and slightly hungover. Irresponsible of course-as always. Fucking hell I was a shit son. My father used to get up early to make the food. There was always way too much food at the end of it. That was just his way though. Having struggled for food in the early years of his life, it was almost as if he had to make up for that shortage in his older years. My mother would be sat in the living room pissed off about nothing in particular and be watching some awful Indian TV show absolutely refusing to participate in anything festive-not because she hated Christmas, but just because she didn't seem to like it when people were trying to have a good time. My sister would arrive and then so would one of my dads' brothers. Everyone apart from my mother would then eventually sit in the dining room to eat. My mother would get pissed off at people having alcohol and trying to be merry. It was always slightly uncomfortable but oddly quite cosy at the same time. And it was good. What it was-was OK.
And now it is all different. My dad is not around. I don't really want to celebrate Christmas as it just doesn't feel right. But it is almost peer pressure. Everywhere you go, everyone you talk to-it is all about Christmas. I'm not Scrooge, I'm not a grumpy kind of "Bah Humbug" person and I'm definitely not one of those people who when witnessing the "magic" and "miracle" of Christmas can then be changed and then become happy and enjoy it. And not that I believe in Jesus. That subject is almost irrelevant to me. But the fact that people think more about a major brand of soft drink at Christmas than they do of Jesus Christ just does not seem right. Christmas is used for marketing. Christmas is used so people can say "I want this for Christmas".
Sorry, but why the heck should you get anything for Christmas?? Birthdays-yes. You were BORN on that day so whatever many years ago. It's a celebration of your life. Christmas is not celebrating, It is peer pressure and it is stressful and it is saddening.
So does not liking Christmas make me a bad person??
I thought-or would like Christmas to be about helping people. Having a day where you can find some kind of comfort from all the horrible people and the horrible things in the world. I think Christmas time is the time where in the UK, more people commit suicide than any other time in the world. I wish I could help stop this. I understand how the stress can get to people and how they cannot cope. People get in mountains of debt for one day of what they call "celebration". Not only should all of this NEVER happen but how has it even come to this?
I am made out to be a bad person, or a sad,/miserable person just because I do not like Christmas. It is uncomfortable for me. It is stressful, It is hypocritical, It upsets me.
But yet I am almost forced to participate in it.
Monday, 21 November 2016
Black Friday
First of all, why are so many bad things named after "Black"?? As well as the title of this post, you have Blackmail, Black Market, Blacklisted, Black Widow. No wonder there are so many racist people in the world. it seems Black = Bad.
All jokes aside, Black Friday is a really strange day to have anywhere apart from The USA.
It is a the day after Thanksgiving Day in The USA. It makes sense (although I still don't know why its called "Black Friday". Some say that it is because some retailers go from being 'in the red' to being 'in the black' and actually start to make a profit but I find that hard to believe as the majority of retailers make profit every day especially the one I work for).
But for some reason, here in The UK, Black Friday seems to be a thing too. Making no sense whatsoever. In 2013, a supermarket chain in The UK which is a subsidiary of a massive chain in America, introduced Black Friday to The UK thus making crazy people in The UK, going even crazier. In 2014, it was reported by Greater Manchester police that "shoppers had behaved in appalling fashion" and that "lack of planning from retailers was really disappointing".
That sounds like just another normal day where I work.
People were fighting and looting for crying out loud.
Advertisements are a bitch. It is so difficult to not get sucked into wanting something that you do not really need causing people to part with money they probably should not be parting with.
In other words, Black Friday is just another stupid marketing gimmick that a lot of people fall for, thinking that they are doing something amazing with their lives by competing against other shoppers and managing to buy something that is priced lesser than it normally is.
Question time:-
1) Is the product that you are buying really worth the amount it was before the sale price in the first place?
2) Do you actually believe that you are getting a bargain?
3) Do you think that you have enough hobbies and past times? In short-do you have a life?
4) Do you live outside of The USA?
5) In all honesty, do you feel like you have to buy things because other people are? For example, do you have to keep up with The Jones'?
If you have answered yes to at least four of these questions, then you maybe need to reassess things in life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)