Losing the feeling

I believe if someone is a writer, actor, musician, artist, then they are trying to say something and trying to even connect with the world through what they are doing. Now it's not a case of having emotion to create emotion, but I think you need an emotion to be in to the creative side of yourself-otherwise you are just another mindless drone of society.

When I was in college and would be doing something-whatever it was, as I studied performing arts, I would always be acting, singing, and have a guitar or a piano close by. Nothing would actually really be bothering me as I was constantly doing things that I enjoyed doing. Any "problems" I had would mostly be secondary that they didn't really matter in the whole context of life. I knew that when I finally did leave college "the world would be my oyster" as people so often say. For some reason even though I knew competition is tough, I always thought that I would just go straight into the acting or music world and easily earn a living from that. However, I seem to be getting further and further away from actually doing this. But why is this?? Because I am losing emotion-my creative side. Why?? I don't know.

A few days ago, some idiots drove past me in a car, threw a cigarette at me and shouted "Paki". A few years
ago, I would've been angry and peed off to say the least. I probably would've yelled something back, explain to them that I am Indian, tell myself that I shouldn't be annoyed because they are ignorant idiots that know nothing whilst at the same time, maybe even try to explain to them that India and Pakistan are 2 completely different countries (a work colleague said to me the other day "they are near enough the same kind of people"-imbecile) but nevertheless, every single person is an individual anyway. I would've wanted to say this to them, or hit them, or something! Instead I just found myself just shaking my head and not doing or saying anything as they sped off in what looked like a cheap skoda.

I used to think that it was always possible for one person to be able to change the world, to change the way people think for the better like Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela all did. These were amazing people and I feel that we need someone in these modern times that people can look up to and find inspiring. Unfortunately, the only people that everyone looks up to now seem to be drug addicted models/rock stars, hooker pop stars or even serial killers.

It sounds silly, it sounds strange, but when I was a child, I always wanted to be someone who could inspire people to do great things, to change the world for the better. No matter what anyone did or said to me, I would keep thinking this.

But lately, I am finding it very difficult not just to be able to connect with the world, but actually wanting to connect with the world. People seem to be more concerned about their facebook status or what that piece of lard called Katy Perry is wearing today.There seems to be so much sickness and ignorance in the world now that I am finding it mentally exhausting and therefore do end up walking around like just another mindless drone of society.

Wondering if I will ever find any inspiration to do anything and to wanting to do anything at all.

Guitar Zero

I saw an advert on TV where a few people are playing in a band. Then all of a sudden, some idiot comes in and starts smashing their instruments and tells them that there is "no need to struggle" and introduces them to a new "guitar hero" game. This advert nearly made me vomit.

Not that I have a problem with computer gaming, but it seems so unreal and strange to me that people would rather spend their money on something that is guitar hero, rock band or even DJ hero rather then learn the real thing. I've always said that the best thing a person can do is learn a musical instrument as it creates real emotion. It's been proven that it helps with intelligence levels, especially in children whilst they are growing up. It teaches discipline and patience and helps with confidence. Even really shy people can express themselves through music. Learning an instrument can also actually help calm the mind. But unfortunately, it seems lesser people are actually doing this and that they would rather just be pretenders. Pretenders who have no creativity, no soul, but yet are happy to just be empty robots by opting to play guitar hero rather than actually playing a real guitar. Instead of actually wanting to be a rock star, they want to pretend to be a rock star! I was talking to someone the other week who I knew had bought a guitar and really wanted to learn it, but when I asked her how it was going, she replied "I've still got it, but I would rather play guitar hero-it's easier" Cue the vomit.

When I was in college, I was surrounded by musicians most of the time-whether I liked them or not, I would still have respect for them for doing what they were doing. Now it seems that most of the people that are around me don't have much about them in a creative sense. It really does seem that I am out of touch with society. Out of touch with everything.

King Berbatov??

What a brilliant performance by hat-trick hero Dimitar Berbatov against Liverpool! Liverpool have only 5 points in their first 5 games....just saying. I think it was £31 million Manchester United paid for Berbatov as Sir Alex Ferguson said Berbatov is the closest thing he has seen to Eric Cantona and he is finally starting to show why. Not that I condone money being spent like that on any football player. In fact I absolutely hate the money side of football but it is funny when you get people that don't like football commenting on how footballers shouldn't get paid that much (the average being a crazy £70,000 a week!) for just "kicking a ball about", but yet these seem to be the same people who own boxsets and dvds of movies such as...Transformers, watch and listen to TV and radio and not complaining about how much people on there make. Apparantly, the main actor in the horror that was Transformers (can't remember his name-not important) got paid $6million! The couple from the Twilight movies got over $16million each for their films and Cameron Diaz got $10 million just for using her voice in Shrek forever after! Simon Cowell made an estimated $75 million to his name in 2009 and his "job" is to basically be an idiot. Beyonce Knowles made $87 million for shaking her bum. On a "lesser" extent, Phillip Schofield gets about £750,000 for hosting a show that nobody cares about and Fearne Cotton gets £20,000 a year for her radio show. The thing that annoys me most is that I am probably far more entertaining then all of the names mentioned (remember, you can't see Cameron Diaz as she is only using her voice) and I get paid £5.82p an hour for my job. So it's not just in football where the wages are crazy. It's pretty much everywhere around us.

Gorgeous idiot??

I was reading the paper today and came across a picture of Gemma Arteton wearing next to nothing for her premiere of some film she is in (can't even remember the name). ANYWAY, she was moaning about how "Hollywood only wants her for her body". Hm, maybe it's because she's not actually a good actress?? I'm not even sure, I don't even know what she has been in. But surely if you wanted to be known as a serious actress and not your body, you would maybe wear clothes and not show off your body all the time?? Now being a 28 year old heterosexual male, it is very nice seeing her body but I think she could've made a huge statement at the premiere by wearing a jog suit or something like that and THEN have a moan about people only wanting her for her body. Hypocrite?? Yes. Related actresses to Gemma Arterton include:-Kelly Brook, Megan Fox (I watched Transformers for the first time as it was on TV the other day-bad acting, bad script, bad everything), Pamela Anderson-the list goes on but ladies:-YOU ARE BAD ACTRESSES. Nobody wants you for your acting skills! I know it, you know it, everyone knows it-stop complaining!

Co-exist?? Probably not in my lifetime if ever at all.

I finished watching the tennis US open last night and it was a brilliant final between Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic. Nadal won 3 sets to 1 with the last set being 6 games to 2. But this scoreline doesn't reflect on how close and how brilliant this match actually was. The day before in the womens' final, the lovely Kim Clijsters defeated Vera Zvonareva (who has defeated Clijsters twice this year) very easily 6-1 and 6-2 with Zvonareva crying a lot after the match was over. I was glad Clijsters won as her story is amazing. Just a couple of years ago retiring from tennis, having a baby, returning to tennis and after playing just a handful of games, drew a wild card in the 2009 US open, winning it and winning it again this year! Amazing. Unlike most of the other female tennis players who pose in magazines in their skimpy outfits trying to be sexy, Clijsters actually focuses on her tennis and this makes her more appealing then the rest of the others put together.

However, the most intriguing thing about the whole tournament was in the mens' doubles. In the final, Bob Bryan and Mike Bryan in straight sets defeating Rohan Bopanna and Aisam-Hul-Haq Qureshi. An Indian and a Pakistani.

Admittedly, I didn't watch any of the doubles matches ( I never do) apart from this final and after the match had finished the announcer said it was nice and good to see an Indian and Pakistani teaming up, with the crowd going wild with applause. I myself was in shock throughout the whole match that this had happened in the first place (athough apparently this pairing have been together for a few years). Qureshi making a long speech about how the whole world, especially in the USA people think that Pakistanis are a bad bunch but claiming it was just the minority, with the majority of Pakistanis and Muslims being a peaceful lot. (The match took place on the anniversary of 9/11).

For anyone that doesn't know, there is a LOT of bad blood between India and Pakistan. The most notable occurrence being a terrorist shooting and bombing attack from Pakistan in Mumbai in November 2008. At least 173 people were killed and at least 308 were wounded. There has been a rivalry between these countries since the very beginning. On a more personal note, I myself was bullied by Pakistanis for nearly my whole school life, was stabbed in the hand with a pallet knife during my first job after I left school and it sure hasn't been an easy road. However, I feel that if an Indian and a Pakistani can team up in tennis like Bopanna and Qureshi have and carry on their "Stop war and start tennis" campaign and promoting peace through sports, then anything is possible. But this is going to take a lot of time. I am talking decades-but this is a start at least. For a full interview with Bopanna and Qureshi before the final, go to http://www.usopen.org/en_US/news/interviews/2010-09-08/201009081283985860863.html

What do I do??

Normally when people have a day off from work, they might take this opportunity to maybe DO SOMETHING. For example, maybe do some shopping-although I couldn't do that as I have no money. Maybe meet up with friends and go for a drink-although I couldn't do that as I have no money nor do I have any friends. So what did I actually do today?? I wandered around in the rain. I thought about my life and ended up feeling a wide range of emotions. All negative emotions. Emotions such as-sad, bored, frustration etc.....

I got thinking about work. Or to be more specific, the people I work with. The people I HAVE to work with. The strange things that they sometimes say. Now far be it from me to name names-I am far too professional for that. But the following are just some things that have been said to me within the last 2 weeks by some of my work colleagues:- 

• "Mukesh, why don't you open your own curry house by the block of flats over there" (I don't even think that the overweight, sweaty person that said this was even saying it as a joke. They assumed it was what I actually wanted to do with my life) 
• "Do you always eat Indian food or do you sometimes eat normal food??" (Indian food is alien food apparantly)
• "Yo Mukesh, do you speak Asian??" (This would be like asking someone from Europe if they spoke European)
• "Do you celebrate Eid??" (In case you hadn't noticed after working with me for a year. I am INDIAN!!!)
• "Why aren't you fasting??"

So there you have it. These are just some recent examples of what I have to put up with in my life. All the things above were said by different people People assuming things when really they have no idea as to how stupid their questions/statements might be. Maybe take a moment to actually think about what you are saying would help matters. Thanks. I have work tomorrow. Great.

QUESTION-How exciting is this?? ANSWER-Very. I'm so very excited

Hello, I am not sure if I am doing this right. I'm not sure that I do ANYTHING right anymore. I don't know who will read this and I don't know if there is even a point if people do read this. Why no point?? Because what is the point in ANYTHING?? Think about it please for one second. WHY DO ANYTHING?? Note:-I am always consistently doing 2 question marks after I ask a question. It is not a consistent typo. Why do I do this?? (Note again with the 2 question marks), again-I don't know. Today is the 12th of September. What is so special about this date?? NOTHING. Why have I chosen to do this?? I DON'T KNOW. From from today until the day I die (commit suicide maybe?? I DON'T KNOW, I'm 28, I wouldn't even be in the cool 27 club anymore), I am going to write about STUFF. About life. I am going to question everything. For those of you that choose to read and maybe even choose to follow, please remember this-I am a 28 year old man that doesn't really like anything-thanks.