I believe if someone is a writer, actor, musician, artist, then they are trying to say something and trying to even connect with the world through what they are doing. Now it's not a case of having emotion to create emotion, but I think you need an emotion to be in to the creative side of yourself-otherwise you are just another mindless drone of society.
When I was in college and would be doing something-whatever it was, as I studied performing arts, I would always be acting, singing, and have a guitar or a piano close by. Nothing would actually really be bothering me as I was constantly doing things that I enjoyed doing. Any "problems" I had would mostly be secondary that they didn't really matter in the whole context of life. I knew that when I finally did leave college "the world would be my oyster" as people so often say. For some reason even though I knew competition is tough, I always thought that I would just go straight into the acting or music world and easily earn a living from that. However, I seem to be getting further and further away from actually doing this. But why is this?? Because I am losing emotion-my creative side. Why?? I don't know.
A few days ago, some idiots drove past me in a car, threw a cigarette at me and shouted "Paki". A few years
ago, I would've been angry and peed off to say the least. I probably would've yelled something back, explain to them that I am Indian, tell myself that I shouldn't be annoyed because they are ignorant idiots that know nothing whilst at the same time, maybe even try to explain to them that India and Pakistan are 2 completely different countries (a work colleague said to me the other day "they are near enough the same kind of people"-imbecile) but nevertheless, every single person is an individual anyway. I would've wanted to say this to them, or hit them, or something! Instead I just found myself just shaking my head and not doing or saying anything as they sped off in what looked like a cheap skoda.
I used to think that it was always possible for one person to be able to change the world, to change the way people think for the better like Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela all did. These were amazing people and I feel that we need someone in these modern times that people can look up to and find inspiring. Unfortunately, the only people that everyone looks up to now seem to be drug addicted models/rock stars, hooker pop stars or even serial killers.
It sounds silly, it sounds strange, but when I was a child, I always wanted to be someone who could inspire people to do great things, to change the world for the better. No matter what anyone did or said to me, I would keep thinking this.
But lately, I am finding it very difficult not just to be able to connect with the world, but actually wanting to connect with the world. People seem to be more concerned about their facebook status or what that piece of lard called Katy Perry is wearing today.There seems to be so much sickness and ignorance in the world now that I am finding it mentally exhausting and therefore do end up walking around like just another mindless drone of society.
Wondering if I will ever find any inspiration to do anything and to wanting to do anything at all.
I've sat down and read this numerous times over the past seven days and each time it has made me feel emotional. I don't really think it's the same emotion as you are trying to explain and convey throughout this entry, but more so, it has made me sad. It's sad to think that whilst you were in college you were obviously so set on your goals, what you wanted out of life and where you wanted to be/what you wanted to be doing. Where as now, it just seems like you don't have the drive to succeed in what you want. Because, I definitely believe, more than ever, that you have the talent. And it's sad to see, or in this case read, that you don't feel as though you are able to connect with your own emotion because that is what makes a person who they are.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I understand what you are trying to represent behind the cigarette incident, but I just see this as though you no longer feel the need to try and justify yourself to people who are obviously not worth the time of day of anyone. Especially yourself. And I guess these are the sort of people that you base your opinion of society on. Which I don't think is the best thing. Yes, majority of people are, simply put, dickheads. And even though it doesn't take one person to change the world, it could easily take one person to stand up for what they want and try to make their life better for them self. And even if it makes little difference to the world as a whole, it would make a big difference to not only them self, but also the people around them. And it's not about inspiring everyone. It could be about inspiring 2 people. No matter the number, you still would have made an impact to someone else's life. But instead of this, it seems as though, you have allowed people like those "idiots" to dictate how you see and feel about society. Which I guess in the end results in you feeling as though you can not connect or relate to the world based on the idea that you have simply allowed these people to dictate how you see things. It's sad that you have allowed this because there are so many good people out there who are trying to make a difference. And you could be one of them, but instead, you are giving up.
Sincerely, Diana.
Put very well Diana I agree, I think you need to read this again Mukesh
ReplyDeleteMeegz
mmm my eyes hurt
ReplyDeletejust be yourself
and do what you love
and don't care what other people think
everyone just wants to be understood..