The happiest moments of my life.

The world isn't a good place right now. It almost seems like there are too many horrible people. The earth is in a terrible state. Maybe with age, you notice these things more. It's not like when you're a kid and things like this almost don't affect you. When Father Christmas exists. When scary things happen at Halloween. When the harshness of life hasn't hit you yet. 

I can't remember who it was and I can't remember exactly when or even what the whole conversation was but it was some sort of discussion about moments in life that can change you. I didn't want to be negative, so I thought about what the happiest moments in my life have been. Here they are:-

*When I was about six years old. I think. Around that age. My dad took me to Toy Master which is a shop that doesn't even exist anymore. He bought me some Lego technic for £14.99. On leaving the shop, it was cold and it was dark. One hand clasping my dad's hand and the other gripping this Lego as tightly as I possibly could. Holding it like it was life itself. I was trembling. I felt like a King. It was absolutely magical. I played with this Lego for years. 

*When my ex girlfriend first told me she loved me. On a mountain (hill) top in Wales with some castle ruins behind us. I don't think they even write books or make movies with how I felt that day.

*The look on my ex girlfriend's face when one year, on her birthday card I simply wrote:-

"Thank You for saving my life."

I had no other words to say. These words said it all. 

*Another ex girlfriend one. Being in Sorrento. What a beautiful place. Sitting out looking at the water and eating an orange. So simple yet so indescribably beautiful. The pinnacle of happiness.  

That is all. I am so lucky to have had these moments happen in my life because thinking about them almost makes me appreciate things. I just hope and wish that I will be able to have moments like these again. 

 

The Good, The Bad and The Me.

For a long time, I have tried to always do the right thing. However what I feel is right isn't necessarily...right. It may be wrong. A lot of the times it is. But sometimes, I don't know at the time. I would think that something I may be doing is right for someone but it may not be good for them at all. And it may not be good for myself at all. 

All throughout my life-especially my adult life, I liked to believe that justice would be done. Justice would be done to anyone that did wrong. Looking back, I guess this was why I used to liked comic book stories so much. The majority of the time, the good guys get justice and things end well. Or it is like in wrestling where a few bad guys would be beating up a good guy and then another good guy's music hits and runs down and saves the day. 

I started this blog to air my frustrations on the world and also frustrations about myself. I cannot imagine many people read this if any read it at all. 

When you think you are doing good things in life, you think that you are doing the right thing, but then other things might happen that can make you think "Why do I bother?"

Personally for me, I keep bothering because I suppose I want acceptance from someone-from ANYONE that can accept me for who I am and appreciate me even when I do bad things. It is difficult. I guess it may never happen. After all, justice should be done.

But then I see other people who have done bad things who live genuinely happy lives. Or at least happier lives and then I think to myself "Where is the justice here?" 

So here it is:-

You may have done bad things in your life that you are not proud of. That you hate yourself for. But thinking about these things constantly like I do EVERYDAY just means that you will never be happy. That you will never be able to live a life where you feel just a little content. Beating yourself up will just make you hate yourself and your life and make you feel less appreciative of anything that is actually good. 

People have beaten me up in life. Physically and Mentally. Sometimes I feel like it has corrupted me. 

But the worst thing anyone can do is beat themselves up. Because that way, justice will never be done. 

Happy Birthday to Her.