Thou shalt do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

No, I am not turning into a religious freak. No offence to any religious freaks that may read this.

I'm not selfish. At least I don't think I am. Or maybe I am?

Is it wrong to believe or to think if you would do things for people, you should expect things back? No.

I don't think it's wrong although you SHOULDN'T EXPECT things back, it would take a saint (again, I am not turning into a religious freak) to not think that maybe a little karma does exist. Surely it is OK to have a bit of hope?? Or not even that. Just out of respect. Things to happen to you from people that are good OUT OF RESPECT. That is NOT too much to ask for.

But the question I want to put out there is that if someone upset or even hurt a friend or someone you care about, should you automatically dislike that person?

For example, if somebody beat up one of your friends, is it wrong for you to hate the person who beat your friend up? Well if it was me and somebody beat my friend up, upset him/her, pissed them off or hurt them in any way at all then yes, I WOULD hate them or really dislike them. For me, it would just be a natural thing. Maybe it is a moral thing too. But I have said on this blog a few times, being moral really gets you nowhere in life.

So how would I feel if it was the other way around? Say if it was ME who was the one who got beat up or tortured or stabbed. Should I automatically expect my friends to hate or really dislike the person/people who did that to me? Is it right for me to expect that? Just because I would feel like that? Is it IMMORAL if my friend(s) DON'T hate or at least dislike the person/people who did that to me?

No. No. No. And...No.

It is their minds, their lives and they can do and feel whatever they want. Who am I to decide who they should and shouldn't like? Who they should and shouldn't dislike? Who they should and shouldn't hate? It is not for me to say.

But at the same time, if  the same thing happened to them and they were the ones who got beat up/tortured/stabbed and had their lives a living hell for years, they may feel different. Just that question. That question that has to be asked:-

How would they feel?

Yuvraj Singh-Six sixes.

An amazing video that I found on You Tube and I remember watching this on TV live. Video near the bottom!

0:16 - Fat Freddie Flintoff says something to Yuvraj Singh to try and provoke him/lose his concentration.

0:22 - The umpire is telling Yuvraj to calm down and is slightly holding him back.

0.25 - Commentator David Lloyd says "I wouldn't bother Yuvraj if I were you."

0:30 - Yuvraj hits a six. He is angry.

1:05 - Commentator Ravi Shastri says "I think those few words from Flintoff just charged him up a bit."

A bit?

1:41 - Yuvraj hit a second six.

2:11 - Freddie Flintoff stands with his hands on his hips thinking "Shit. Why did I open my fat mouth?"

2:43 - Yuvraj hit a THIRD six. The guy is still pissed off.

3:19 - Stuart Broad (who was supposed to be Englands' 'new hope' at the time) looks very nervous
.
3:20 - Ravi Shastri: "Absolute Carnage." (Yuvraj isn't finished yet Ravi).

3:30 - Broad being Englands' new hope and all, decides to take evasive action and bowls around the wicket.
3:34 - It makes no difference. Yuvraj hits a FOURTH six. I remember standing up at this point.

3:57 - David Lloyd: "England are having a conference meeting."

4:07 - England have their conference meeting. Paul Collingwood and Broad have piss rolling down their legs
.
4:12 - Collingwood tells Broad "Anything. ANYTHING but a six."


4:15 - Broad looks genuinely bewildered. He is thinking "I don't know what the hell I should do."
4:18 - Broad realises piss rolling down his legs isn't going to help this situation.

4:28 - Broad rallies his troops. "I am going to ball an amazing delivery here! Piss or no piss!"

4:47 - Yuvraj hits a FIFTH six.

4:51 - Ravi Shashtri doesn't bother being professional or neutral. "YES!"

5:16 - Broad with a classic "Oh shit" pose. Right arm across chest and left arm up, hand to the mouth.

5:24 - Collingwood with the EXACT same pose!

5:50 - SIX SIXES. Yuvraj put it away. Never done before in T20 cricket.



In an interview done much later, he was asked what Fat Freddie Flintoff had actually said to him and according to Yuvraj, he had said "those were fucking ridiculous shots you played" (Yuvraj had hit Fat Fred for a couple of boundaries in the previous over). Yuvraj replied to him "Fuck you." Fat Fred then says "Excuse me?" to which Yuvraj replies "You heard what I said." Then Fat Fred says " I will cut your throat off."

Then Yuvraj says to him "Do you see this bat in my hand? I'm going to hit you with this bat."

India went on to win the match and the trophy.

Getting to know a celebrity, working with them and then pissing them off in the space of a few weeks.

I guess this would be a great follow up to my last post. This is another thing that I hate about Drama/Acting.

Money.

People have to earn a living - Yes.

People want to be able to live in the best way possible - Yes.

People would want to easily be able to provide for their loved ones - Yes. 

And the last one. People like money - Yes. Yes of course they do. 

But do people really have to be total twats for money? No. But they are. Unfortunately they really are. And here is one example:-

Up until recently, I was voluntarily "teaching Drama" to 6-8 year olds voluntarily. I had to gain experience in Drama teaching for my college course and was struggling to find somewhere where I could do this. The two ladies whose "Drama" group it was were both idiots. One a primary school teacher who was about to have a baby, so I would be taking her place in teaching the children and the other a celebrity. At best, a B-list celebrity.

Neither knew anything about teaching Drama. 

Oh of course, the school teacher knew about teaching and the one occasion she was in during the time I did this (about 7 weeks), the children were very well behaved. She knew how to control the class but the B-list celebrity didn't. She also knew NOTHING about teaching and even though she is an ex-TV star, she knew NOTHING about Drama. It was painfully obvious from my first observation on the class.  

The price for the lessons to the children were ridiculous. It was in a beautiful building which had only just opened to the public and for the price of one hours' "lesson", it would be the price of just two of the kids and there were about 16 children in the class so they were making profit from 14 of the childrens' parents' money not including my travel fare which they paid for me. The ladies were coming out with A LOT of money for just one hours' "work". But why were the parents paying so much money for their kids to "learn" Drama in this particular class?

Because of the B-list celebrity. No other reason. Put a B-lists celebrities' name on something and it is bound to attract people. The B-list celebrity was struggling to find work. She is a bad actress. Why not make money from just her name?

So apart from not knowing anything about Drama, what was the problem? Surely, they could LEARN and teach whatever it is they learnt?

Well, there were a lot of problems. The B-list celebrity couldn't control the class. She wouldn't/couldn't do anything if they would run about/shout/scream/cause havoc and chaos, which they would do for about fifteen minutes of every "lesson". She would have the bright idea of indulging them with biscuits and sugary drinks halfway through the class which would make them even more hyper. They would start behaving five minutes before their parents came to pick them up right at the end. I understand that they are children and will want to have fun which I am all up for. But just don't call it a Drama class.

But the main problem was that they weren't learning anything about Drama. And that really got to me. The B-list celebrity kept saying how Drama was helping them develop their confidence, but they were already insanely over confident. They had no discipline. When I tried to explain how important having discipline is i.e if they went for an audition or just a normal job interview, if they went in screaming and shouting they wouldn't get the part/job, the B-list celebrity didn't seem to understand. She also didn't seem to understand that it isn't a good idea to give a script to a child who can't read yet. She also said certain children in the group "could make it big because they had the look."

She also knew nothing about Drama-did I mention that?

The whole thing was very strange as I wasn't learning how to teach any Drama students. I was learning how to control a playgroup. And even with that I had to learn myself as the B-list celebrity was rubbish doing that too.

The worst part was at the end of every "lesson" where the parents would pay. The B-list celebrity would tell their parents how well their child was "developing their acting and Drama skills". She would feed the parents already delusional minds more of what they wanted to hear. All these parents, all these kids and the B-list celebrity ALL had VERY different lives to what I live. They were all VERY privileged and money was clearly no issue for the middle class lot who I am guessing probably earned more in three months than I do in a year. Money was no object for them to feel their delusional desires of developing their kids into famous stars. The children themselves probably growing up having their college tuition fees paid for, cars, houses and all the rest of it. Money was no issue. The money being unfairly earned by the B-list celebrity was an absolute sick joke.

She wasn't teaching them Drama. She was babysitting. This wasn't a Drama class. This was a play group.

I wrote an evaluation. She took it home and read it. She hated it. She said she didn't want me there anymore.

Now, for anyone who thinks my evaluation and reviews on the class were really cut-throat like this post is-it wasn't. She just couldn't handle the fact that she already knew that she couldn't teach and that she was totally pathetic and that she and her co-worker were only doing this for money and nothing else and it was almost as if I had to accept that or not be a part of it. I was so disappointed when she said I couldn't come there anymore but after thinking about it and after observing the classes, I am SO GLAD that I am not there anymore. To be a part of something that is so sick, delusional, fake and money grabbing as it was is pretty disturbing. I just wish that my evaluation and reviews WERE more cut-throat.

There were a few people who were really excited about me working with a celebrity (even though she is a B-list one) and as was I. But at the same time, I am more excited about doing my course and having the opportunity to teach REAL DRAMA to people in the future as my career not pretend I know things about acting when I really don't just to try and make money. Or as The B-list celebrity said "a business".

Unlike the B-list celebrity bitch, I am not fake. I am fucking real.

Acting and Drama

I wanted to write a post about the whole subject and my own personal experiences as I am rediscovering what it is.

I am training to become a Drama teacher/tutor.

First of all, Drama is EVERYTHING. Everything is Drama. That is the beauty of it. Everywhere you go and everything a person does is Drama. Sometimes people can fail to realise this. From going to the shop and buying a newspaper to watching a football game to taking a bus to work. Everything that happens in life can be a scene.

Life is a play and you are the actor. Only it isn't scripted. You make your own script.

Everything you learn in life can be put in Drama. Everything you learn from Drama can be put in life. That is why I love it.

http://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.co.uk/2011/01/music-acting-performance-and-people.html

I studied Drama for five years in college. And sometimes I well and truly hated it.

I hated the fact that every time I saw someone in a play or a scene, I always used to think I could do it better. Why would I get so big headed like that? Maybe I just needed to mature a bit.

I hated how a lot of actors, not just me but a lot I knew were just up their own backsides in general.

But most of all, I hated how a lot of the times it was never about acting the part but more like looking like you fit the part.

I'm not saying that happened at college because it didn't. I'm saying that in the real world especially for TV, it was more about how you looked and not about your actual acting skills that got you the part. You could have years of acting training and experience but if you didn't "look" the part, you wouldn't get the part. There are a ton of actors who have "made it" purely because of how they look. That is something that will never leave the TV world. It's just the way it is. But I want to change all that. It is the only profession (not including modelling) where it is more or less guaranteed that it is the way you look which affects whether or not you get the job. Imagine if a Doctor or a Scientist who didn't get a job because of the way they looked. It just doesn't happen. I really couldn't stand that thought. I didn't want to become or be a part of that.

There was an open audition for a certain TV show whilst I was at college. I didn't go to the audition myself but a lot of the Drama students did. Most of them returned without even saying a single word at the audition. The casting people were literally just looking at who was pretty. Even though it was and still is a popular TV show, it isn't about the acting and never has been. To me that is pretty disgraceful. It's one of the reasons why I don't watch too much TV. But I also don't go to the theatre anymore. No actual real reason why. Sometimes I just don't feel like I actually belong there. But sometimes that goes for everywhere I go anyway.

So what do I actually LIKE about Drama? This post isn't just going to be about me moaning about something again. I obviously MUST like something about Drama for me to want to train to be able to teach it.

Well what does it do? It helps you to get emotions out and flipping heck, I am one insanely emotional person. It helps you with confidence, it helps you to connect with things in your life and in your memories in different ways. It gives you a different perspective on things and on people. It can help you understand the psychology of people (how many times have I wrote on this blog and questioned why people do/say what they do etc!).

Nearly half a life time ago when I was 16, I opted to do Performing Arts in college. I originally wanted to do just Music but at the time, I was awful on the guitar so had to do a course where I would have to to Music, Drama and Dance (they called Dance "Movement" to make it sound cool) and I would have to pass two from these three subjects to go onto the next year where I could specialise in one subject and at the time I was hoping it would be Music but within the course of that year, I slowly changed my mind.

I remember everyone in the Drama class had to learn and perform a monologue. And I remember thinking "Wait a minute, a monologue?? Getting up in front of everyone by myself and performing whilst everybody stares and judges only me?? I can't do that!"

So I have no idea and still to this day have no idea what possessed me to ask my tutor this:-

"Can I write my own monologue?"

Long story short, I wrote it about bullying. I performed it countless of times as people wanted to see it so much. And then see it again. It became a big deal. Someone who saw it cried. People who I didn't know/hadn't met were hugging me. Strangely at the time the HND students were doing a bullying project too. The tutor saw it and wanted me to do it at the end of one of their performances and when that day came I was so nervous I must have gone to the toilet about 16,000 times. They did their performance and then everybody included the tutor started to get up and leave until the tutor remembered about me and bought everyone back into the theatre. I performed it again. It went well. Everyone talked about it more than what the HND students did. Some guy said he wanted me to perform it at The Edinburgh Festival which he could organise. Eventually telling me I would have to change it and take the word "Paki" out of it which I say in it three times. I refused to do that. Changing the monologue would take away what it actually was. The power of it. I couldn't do that.

I was only 16 years old and still going through the stages if you like. I didn't know much about Drama or much about life or anything. At the time 16 was young. Unlike now. It seems like kids/teenagers are much more older now at 16 then when they were back then.

That year I went onto be Eddie in a play called "Blood Brothers". The play was done in a Brechtian style and several characters were supposed to be played by different actors but I did the whole of Eddie apart from one scene. I passed my BTEC 1st with flying colours and opted to do Drama in the BTEC National which was a two year course. The first of those years being less than stellar. Most of the class in the main end of year show were props including me with a four line part. I learnt monologues but I wasn't good at performing them at all. For some reason, I was more insecure this year than the last.

But the second of those years, I learnt so many different techniques/styles from Stanislavski, Peter Brook and the Alexander technique-the latter I couldn't stand doing and eventually had to tell the tutors this.

I had to dress up as a woman for Commedia Del Arte. I think this was the tutors' way of punishing me as I was always late. I actually did it well. I had long hair at the time and people actually said I looked better as a woman than as a man. D'oh.

That year we were doing two plays. The first was The Crucible which we performed at Christmas time. Again I wasn't having a great year and had a part with about 6 lines. But the tutor told me to be an understudy for someone who at the time was ill and if he couldn't make it to rehearsals then I could have the part. It was a big part. The part of Reverend Hale.

By no means did I want the person who had this part be ill. Of course I didn't. But I had to think how well I could do this part. Obviously learn the lines and the character etc. I couldn't help but get a bot excited and there was one day when the tutor said that if the guy who had the part doesn't come in today, then I can have the part. And on that rehearsal I was stood behind the curtain and it was coming up to my first line and the guy hadn't turned up yet. I was just about to start my scene and my first line when...he comes in! It was the craziest timing ever. As unprofessional as it was, I gave him the script and just went home. I was so glad he was better. It was just the timing which wasn't the best! We talked about it for ages afterwards with the tutor and actually had a laugh about it. He played the part probably a lot better than I would have done anyway.

So for all of that year as well, I failed to deliver until the very last play. The tutor said that everyone would have to audition for the last play and based on how our auditions went, she would pick parts for us accordingly. The play was Cabaret. Now I HATED musicals. But at the same time I had to do something worthwhile this year. I wasn't a good singer and everyone had to do a song and a monologue for the audition. I think we had a month to prepare. I learnt a monologue and a song on guitar. When it came to the audition, I did the song first, messed up like crazy. I could have got a backing track and played that but I chose to play my guitar and played wrong, sang wrong and everything about the song was wrong. Then just as I was about to start my monologue, in the middle of the audition, I decided to not do the monologue I had learnt. I had to pull the big gun out. I had to use the ace in my sleeve. I did the bullying monologue.

The next day, the class sat in a circle whilst the tutor read the parts out. I was given the massive part of Herr Schultz. The rest of the class didn't seem happy. I could almost hear their thoughts saying, "why him?" "what has he done to deserve that?" etc etc etc. But this was my chance to really go for it. And go for it I did.

Like I said, I couldn't sing. I had to sing! But I couldn't. What do I do? They say practice makes perfect but I just couldn't imagine the thought of me SINGING in front of up to 200 people! I couldn't sing in front of one person. But I would have to otherwise I couldn't do the part. There was only one thing I could do to practice in front of an audience without them really judging me...karaoke.

So the three months or so leading up to the play, I would go to a karaoke place every week and sing as much as I could. Obviously this would be along with learning lines, getting to know the character. I learnt, practiced, rehearsed, over and over and over. I had done nothing worthwhile for two whole years and this play was going to be for three nights just like every other end of year show. I had three nights to not just prove to everyone but to also prove to myself that I could do this. Strangely and I am not sure why I used to do this, but in rehearsals, I would NEVER give 100%. In any rehearsal ever. I wanted to give that bit extra on actual performance nights. I had a few ideas of what I was going to do. I always saved that bit extra just to really try and blow peoples' minds!

So did I blow peoples' minds?

Not to sound as arrogant as hell but I sure did.

It was one of those times in life where I could look back and say, it was one of the best things I did. I felt like the whole audience was actually in the palm of my hand. On the last night there being 200 people!

I got asked for my autograph and again, people were again hugging me after the show. There was a massive sense of overwhelming achievement. I had proved to everyone that I COULD do it. I proved to MYSELF that I could do it.

After that academic year was over, I stayed another 2 years to do a HND course which was basically a university course. The idea was the people that were on that course could then go to university for just a year to top up their HND and get their degrees.

Again, this was like the BTEC national. The first year went to awful that I ended up leaving.

The tutor said that at the end of the year, we could do whatever we wanted for our last project. I had an idea of dressing up as Death and walking around the town centre. Just to see what reactions I got. One of the tutors loved my idea but the main tutor didn't. I came up with a lot of other ideas but they all seemed to get pushed to the side and so our end of year show was to dress up as women and walk around the college. This wasn't what I wanted to do but somehow ended up having to do this. This wasn't challenging, this wasn't anything. It was just about goofing around and getting a reaction. It was ridiculous. We weren't learning anything.

After leaving I realised it was a bit of a silly thing to do to just not have a qualification. I went back to the college and said that I wanted to complete the course and wanted back in. The tutor said it wasn't possible but I KNEW how much the tutor wanted me back on the course as much as he would not admit it. So we ended up having a chat that was almost two hours long. I said I wanted to be challenged. I wanted to do something that was ground breaking. Dressing up as women wasn't ground breaking to me. It was nothing. He took me back on the course.

The second year was a lot better. We were able to do a project individually on whatever it was that we wanted. About ANYTHING. I did a "performance" pointing out how people get caught up more with celebrity shit rather than what is important in life. People choose to miss the important things and choose to live a life gossiping and basically intentionally missing out on making the world a better place. It was epic.

Our end of year show was Marat/Sade. We didn't want to do just the play. We wanted to do something (as I said before) groundbreaking. So we came up with the idea of being a character within a character. For example, we were in character of someone who had some form of illness/disability who would THEN be a character from Marat/Sade. We were being 2 characters and everybody was on stage throughout the whole play. Of course, anyone that knew us like the people in college would know were weren't disabled but when we took the performance out, people didn't know this until after the end when we broke character. We got standing ovations and people were amazed. It was pretty fulfilling I must say.

During the whole second year, it was pretty good. When I did go to university, they said that I was too qualified. But they also said I would have to do the whole course. So it would be another three years of doing what we basically had done in the whole HND course only we would be with people who had never done Drama before. They wouldn't let me or any of the other HND students go onto the third year which they originally said that we could so all the students that had the HND didn't bother going through university.

These are just some of my personal experiences. Just some. I have written this because I am JUST getting back into Drama and I guess I wanted to remind myself of what I am doing. Why I am doing this and what I hope to achieve.

Today I did a 15 minute micro-teach session with my classmates. Each of us are training to be tutors and are all learning different subject. My micro-teaching session happened to go absolutely amazing. Almost perfect. I had it all planned out and had a lot of notes but when I started doing it, I felt natural and hardly looked at my notes.

It feels like I am slowly getting back to my roots. It's going to be hard work but I think it could be great.

Best TV moment ever

I heard a couple of people talking about their favourite TV shows and their best moments. I decided to write a post and think about what mine was.

I don't actually watch too much TV. Anything I do watch is more in spurts. I love The Simpsons, it has to be the funniest show EVER and is loaded with so much subtext in it's writing it is unreal. I used to watch The Big Bang Theory now and again but it has gone awful with the cute blonde being so frigging annoying, the geeks are all studs now and the Indian guy comes out with jokes which the writers have written for him that I was saying in real life about ten years ago.

I used to like Heroes but it went absolutely crazy towards the latter stages as they had too many characters and they didn't know what to do with them. Homeland is pretty awesome as is Game Of Thrones. As I am writing this, I have just finished to where it is up to.

I just watch things online at 2am when I can't sleep.

There are that many TV shows. TOO MANY. With all the cable channels and things. Thousands. It is insane to think there are actors out there who are out of work when surely they could get a part somewhere. It is almost as if there are more TV shows than there are actors. Than there are people! I'm going too far I know.

I really don't think acting exists in movies anymore. Too many special effects, editing etc. That is not acting to me.

I did however watch and have watched two more times the whole series of Lost. Regular readers of my blog (if there are any regular readers) would know how much I loved/love this series. And I just wanted to do a lighthearted post again and I thought of coming up with the best TV moment. I didn't choose from any animation, or any films, I just wanted to pick one from a TV show where something I watched just made me go "woah, that was amazing." So I ended up picking the following two scenes from Lost. I couldn't pick one:-

This is from season 3 episode 10 and is titled "Tricia Tanaka is dead."

Hugo Reyes (Hurley) is shown in a flashback with his dad when he is younger. They are both working together to fix a car however it won't start. Hurelys' father tells him that good things will happen when you believe they will. Also that in this world, you have to make your own luck. His father leaves for Las Vegas and just before he leaves, he gives his son a chocolate bar. At first Hurley doesn't want it but his father insists and promises to return from Las Vegas soon. You hear the song "Shambala" by Three dog night being played.

The flashbacks continue throughout the episode. Hurleys' father never returned until after Hurley wins the lottery seventeen years later which pleased his mother but not Hurley himself. A lot of unfortunate things happen in Hurleys' life after he wins the lottery. People die and one of his chicken restaurants get hit by a meteorite are just a couple of unfortunate circumstances that happen. He believes winning the money was a curse and plans to rid the curse by going to Australia. Hurleys' father takes him to a tarot reader who says she can rid the curse however she is caught out by Hurley and then admits that his father paid her to say that. Hurley then begins packing to go to Australia and his father admits he did come back because he heard his son had won the lottery but also says that he will wait for Hurley until he comes back from Australia.

Charlie has been told that he is going to die soon. It seems that every time Desmond (who isn't in this scene) foresees Charlie about to die, he saves him but figures that Charlie is meant to die and nothing can change that no matter how much they try to change it. Hurley believes this and tells Charlie that he thinks that he brings bad luck. The dog Vincent then comes with a human arm in his mouth and leads Hurley to the camper van you are about to watch. Hurley then wants to fix the van and goes back to the beach searching for someone who might help him do it. Everybody ignores him apart from Jin who doesn't really speak English and gets roped into helping. Hurley finds a skeleton and beer in the van. He then bumps into Sawyer who agrees to help after finding out beer is available and also gets Charlie to help after telling him he can either mope around and wait for death or that they should make their own luck and face whatever is coming. Charlie gets a slap in the face from Hurley and then agrees to help. The car gets fixed, but needs a jump start.

The song "Shambala" is heard again with a beautiful composition from Michael Giacchino from 3:11.

"Victory or death." Can you change destiny? Are people cursed? If so, can you change that? Is everything you do in your own hands?

Absolute magic:-

  

Apologies in advance as this could get as confusing as my time travel post:-

http://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/time-travel.html

Apparently, the writers for this episode took twice the time they would normally do to write it to avoid the time travel paradox.

This is from season 4 episode 5 and is titled "The Constant." Many saying that it was the best episode of the whole series.

Desmond, Sayid and Lapidus are in a helicopter on the way to a freighter when they encounter some turbulence and then Desmond starts experiencing some strange sensations. His consciousness flashes back 8 years where he is serving with The British Armies' Royal Scots Regiment. After a few moments, his consciousness returns to the present day and he doesn't recognise anyone or even where he is. He has no memory of what has happened the past 8 years. The helicopter lands on the freighter and Desmond gets taken to the sick bay where they meet Minkowski who is strapped to a bed because the same thing is happening to him. Minkowski soon dies of a brain aneurysm

Sayid uses a radio to call the island where Daniel who is a physicist from the freighter asks Desmond what year he thinks it is. Desmond thinks it is 8 years from the present day and is panicking. Daniel understands and explains to Desmond that the next time his consciousness goes back 8 years he must go to Oxford university and find him and tell him what is going on.

Desmonds' flashbacks start happening more and 8 years ago he tracks down Daniel as it is in his subconsciousness to do so and after convincing Daniel that it was he who has told him to come here, Desmond gets shown how Daniel is working on a time machine whilst Desmond gives Daniel some co-ordinates and then Daniel uses those co-ordinates in a maze where a rat is comatose as like Desmond, he was exposed to electromagnetic energy. The rat awakes and then runs through maze which Daniel had just built and the rat hadn't been shown. Desmond then gets explained to him that like the rat, he is caught in a time warp. The rat has a brain aneurysm and dies as it's consciousness cannot take what is happening and Daniel tells Desmond this will happen to him UNLESS he finds a "constant"-someone or something who is present in both time periods who can be an anchor in Desmonds' mental stability. Desmond decides that Penny can be the constant but he has to track her down, find her and tell her everything. They had split up as Desmond believed that he had nothing to offer Penny and Penny is upset and doesn't want to see him but Desmond has to explain to her that eight years from now he will call her and she HAS to answer. He asks for her number-she clearly thinks it is absolutely ridiculous-imagine if someone told you they wouldn't call you until eight years later-but she ends up giving him her number. Cheesy towards the end but so unique and an absolute classic:-

This could be a plot in an awful soap.

Cast of characters:-

A 63 year old father of two who has worked hard his all life and with each passing year, gets more and more angrier and moodier.

The wife. A 58 year old crazy woman who never lets her husband do ANYTHING. A woman who never seems to want people to be happy. Has a lot of money. Is very conniving, devious and malicious.

A 37 year old daughter with a cold heart. Lives in her own house with a cat. Not much of a personality apart from a horrific nasty side. Hates the mother.

A 31 year old handsome man who is the son and has been unlucky in life. Had to reluctantly move back in with his parents. Doesn't really have much going for him at the moment. Has no money. But always tries to say and do the right thing.

The plot:-          

After years and years of an unhappy marriage, the husband gets increasingly frustrated as he feels he isn't able to live a life due to the crazy wife. He always sneaks about when wanting to do something like binge eat or drink. This really starts to affect his health. The son sees all this and tries to stop it by telling his father and the crazy mother who pays no attention. His sister doesn't really get involved. She is too busy with her cat.

The father eventually had a stroke and a week later, passes away. The mother gets all the money from his bank account naturally but the father has a secret beneficiary for his children. He didn't want his crazy wife knowing about this beneficiary as he didn't want her to get her hands on it. It was only for the children. His wife has enough money-and the house.

The wife finds out about the beneficiary due to a mistake from the husbands' work. She gets a solicitor and after months of door slamming, yelling and cursing, she somehow eventually gets most of the money. She must have got a really good solicitor to go against the fathers' last wish which was written in paper.

The children are distraught. The daughter hates her mother even more and the son is in complete disbelief that a mother can do this to her children. Steal money that is rightfully theirs. As if they didn't have enough to go through. He also thinks that maybe the father ate and drank himself to death so the children could have this money as if he had retired before he passed away, there wouldn't be any money.

Sometimes when things happen in life, it all just seems so fucked up that it doesn't seem like it is real.

Don't cheapen yourself. Don't cheapen great things.

I was browsing on You Tube the other day and they had a thing called "geek week" and on this particular day, a show I used to watch and love as a child was part of this "geek week". It was a show called Knightmare.

If you have never seen it, it is basically a team of 4 people and one of the team members (the dungeoneer) has to put on a helmet (the helmet of justice) where he/she can only see what is directly below them and the other 3 members of the team act as his/her guide through medieval environments with puzzles, obstacles and other characters that they may meet along the way. The dungeoneer would also have a knapsack in which throughout the quest, food must be placed in to "preserve their life force". The quest that they go through is all done by blue casting chroma key and virtual reality giving backgrounds and images like it would be in a computer game.

It sounds cheesy but it was absolutely incredible and at the time VERY scary. One amazing show that was one of the best things of many childrens' childhoods.

Unfortunately, this group of idiots, a couple of them who made me want to throw something hard at my computer screen but who for some reason are stupidly popular on You Tube (they literally just put videos of themselves up being fucking annoying) did a one-off Knightmare special. They were just pathetic, attention seeking jackasses. They were laughing and pissing about and generally making the show look shit. They were cheapening it and the only reason why they were chosen to go on there for this one-off special is because they were popular on You Tube and I guess the producers of Knightmare just wanted as many views as possible. Unfortunately, all the pathetic losers who are their followers, only commented on the actual people. Not the show. Many of the idiots probably don't even know/remember or weren't even born when the show was on TV. So the comments were things along the lines of "lol classic Dan" or "you look good in that shirt Phil" or something like "hey Dan, liked your other vid you put about about how much gel you put on your hair."

I am not even joking there.

The actual team were just frigging everything that is wrong with the internet. It made me wonder why the producers of Knightmare were so desperate for so many views? Why cheapen themselves like that?

Maria Sharapova wanted to change her name to Maria Sugarpova for The US Open.

She has a brand of sweets apparently under that name which she wanted to promote.

I've never really liked her anyway. This made me like her even less. She got injured before The US Open got underway. What a shame. But I don't understand why someone would do this? Change her name just for one tournament to promote sweets? Insanity. Would the commentators, the umpire, the interviewers have all had to call her "Sugarpova"?? She is a very good tennis player. But again, why cheapen yourself like that?

I could go on and on about giving examples of people cheapening themselves or cheapening great things. For some reason off the top of my head my college days came back to me and in particular a couple of things.

One was where in my HND Theatre Studies class, our last project of the first year was that as a group, we can put on ANY kind of performance we wanted. Obviously as an actor, this is really exciting as the possibilities are endless. I wanted to dress up as Death and walk through the town centre just to see what kind of reaction I would get. What would happen afterwards and what would the consequences would be? I was a Drama student, so I was pretty sure I wouldn't be put in prison. Even if I was, I would just touch people and then they would be dead. Anyway, one of the tutors said this was the best idea she had heard and was excited by it. Unfortunately the main tutor disagreed and wouldn't let me. And any ideas I did come up with to push some boundaries (I loved and still love pushing boundaries) were always shut down. It ended up me and the whole group dressing up as ladies and wandering around college and sometimes in a ladies' bathing suit. The men had to, the ladies did sod all and didn't have to dress up as men or in ladies' bathing suits. I think it was because one of the ladies had breasts so big, they would enter the room 15 minutes before the actual owner of them did.

Remember, this was a class full of potential acting geniuses doing something so frigging tacky that I didn't want to do or choose to do. At the time I felt like I was cheapening myself. I refused to do it after the first day and my argument was that we weren't pushing boundaries or doing anything that would make people think. We were just being pathetic and the whole thing was pointless (I had already had to dress up as a woman for Commedia Del Arte which is where pantomime originated from). I wasn't learning anything and so I left the course and didn't want to come back for the second year. I DID end up coming back after a few months after an hour long talk with the tutor about how I thought Drama should be taught.

The second thing was a band called Limp Bizkit who "sold out" after doing "commercial" songs just to make money. For some reason, the "alternative" scene were outraged that they chose to cheapen themselves. Personally for me, I always thought that they were a bunch of twats who had always played shit music so it had no effect on me whatsoever.

My whole point is a lot of people do cheapen themselves whether it be for attention, a few laughs, for money or for whatever. The best advice I can give is just to ignore those fuckers and be true to YOURself.

Happy birthday Dad

August 26th. It would have been my dads' 64th birthday today.

It is weird how it was only last year when a load of people were in a pub drinking on my dads' 63rd birthday.

Cardiff City beat Manchester City 3-2 yesterday (on the 25th). It made me happy. My dad would have been pissed off.

I am writing this just to try and point out how horrifically short life is.

It is impossible-or not a thing that people should do-which is to "live your life like each day is your last." That is ridiculous. You can't do that. But what you can do is live life as much and as fully as you can. Too many people just exist and don't really live life. I do it myself.

I can't really explain what to do. But you have to do what you want to do. Things are possible that you might not think or you might not even convince yourself to be possible-the easier thing to do is not to try. If you don't try you can't fail. People fall into doing this all the time.

But why not try?? Why not fail and then try again?? Why not just fucking go for anything you want to do?? Life is precious. Life can be amazing if you want it to be.

There is 22 hours and 7 minutes to go til this day is over and it is the 27th . I don't know why this is relevant, but I do want this day to be over. But I don't want it to be a day where nothing happens. Something has to happen. Everyday something should happen, that you make happen that makes your life better.

It is up to yourself to do that.

Rage Against The Machine...Rage against the shitness in this world.

I only just came across this on You Tube recently which is pretty shameful really. You will have to click on the "Watch on YouTube" link:-

Message as in it is written in the video:-

5 years in a row the winner of Simon Cowells' X-Factor had topped the UK charts, claiming the Christmas number 1 spot.

"The X-Factor is expected to be Christmas number one again according to betting odds" - 
OLB6 Sports. 3rd December 2009.

"Rage Against The Machine has emerged as the unlikeliest of candidates for Christmas number one." - 
Live odds and scores 7th December 2009.

"As the Facebook campaign gathers momentum, Rage narrows the gap." - 
The Sun 12th December 2009.

"X-Factor winner Joe McElderry (Who??) has branded Rage Against The Machines' 'Killing In The Name' "dreadful" after finally hearing his chart nemesis." - 
NME 13th December 2009.

"They can't be serious!" he said. "It's dreadful and I hate it. How can anyone enjoy this? Can you imagine the grandmas' hearing this over Christmas lunch?" - 
NME 13th December 2009.

"RATM number one at Christmas? I can't see it happening." - 
The Guardian 14th December 2009.

"Despite the campaign to get "Killing In The Name" to the top spot, the X-Factor will still be victorious." - 
Simon Cowell 15th December 2009.

"I wouldn't buy it. It's a nought out of ten for me. Simon Cowell wouldn't like it. They're just shouting!" - 
Joe McElderry (Again, who??) 16th December 2009.

"Rages' 'Killing In The Name' pulls even with McElderrys' 'the climb'." - 
The Sun 17th December 2009.

"We've got 500,000 singles out on Wednesday and Joe WILL be number one!"
Simon Cowell, 18th December 2009.

20th December 2009:-

X-Factor -                              450,838
Rage Against The Machine -    502,762

This was truly awesome and so good to know that there are a lot of people out there who actually care about music rather then being fed whatever is rapped down the throats by a mega rich twat. I still have never to this day watched an episode of the X-Factor. I have no idea who is currently in the charts and I have no clue as to what is going on in terms of being force fed.

What I do know is that after this happened, Simon Cowell ran off to The United States for a while.

Screw you Simon.

Here is a video of my favourite (one of my favourites) Rage Against The Machine song(s). Try and ignore the vevo shit. Again you will have to click on "Watch on YouTube". Amazing song and amazing video:-

Questions...?

For some reason a lot of people have recently been asking me why I have had trouble sleeping for years. I used to think about it a lot myself and then just accepted the fact that this was just the way it is.

But even with that thought, I can't help but ask myself sometimes "Why?"

And I think it is that question and lots of other questions which literally do keep me awake at night.

Questions such as:-

Why is the world the way it is? Why are people so awful? Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why are there so many poor people in the world who can't eat and why are there so many rich people in the world who don't help? Why do poor people get poorer? Why do rich people get richer? Why don't people give a shit? Will I ever be happy? Are some people destined to fail? Do you create your own destiny or is everything planned out for you already? Why do girls go for bad boys? Why are people so obsessed with social networking? Are people always searching for ego boosts? Why do people strive to want more and more when they already seem to have everything? What happens when we die? Will we ever know? Why do people die in the first place? Is there a Heaven? Is there a Hell?

I know that I have asked some of these questions, if not all these questions in part here and there on my blog. But it is these questions-just some are these questions-that keep me awake at night. I cannot help but think about them. Unfortunately, some questions just don't have answers and may never have answers. So thinking about them really is a waste of time. But yet I still can't help it.

I guess the psychology of people is always going to be difficult to understand. And trying to understand can either keep people awake at night or just drive people round the bend. I know that there are so called expert psychologists who think they can analyse people and figure out why they are the way they are. These are people who are "figuring" out things from their own point of view. Their own point of view being what they think through circumstances from their own lives thus just having nothing but opinions. And that's all they are. Opinions. Not facts. Not answers.

But the sooner I can actually come to terms with the fact that there is ALWAYS something shit happening in the world, the sooner I can be more content and sleep. And then maybe even be happy. The sooner I can come to terms with the fact that I should just live and let live. The world is the way it is because we made it like that. People are awful because they either have some deep psychological reason for it or were just born twats. Good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people because THAT IS JUST THE WAY IT IS. And in some ways, if we did have the answer to that particular question, then what would be the point?

For example, if we knew the answer to why do bad things happen to good people, then we would have no emotion. It would be like having no tears, no pain, no anything because we would understand why it is happening. It is a question that probably SHOULD NEVER BE answered as then the only way to stop that is when you see innocent people suffering-you can then help them.

As the same with good things happening to bad people. The only way to counter that is to fuck it. Not have some stupid belief that "oh they will all go to hell, don't worry." The actual way to making sure it doesn't stop you from sleeping or drive you round the bend is just to not let it bother you. Not to focus on it.

And then some questions, they just do not have answers. But I guess that is the beauty of life right?

Will all this help me sleep? No. Will it drive me round the bend? Possibly. But only if I let it.

I guess it is all in my own mind. As with anything and everything.

Everything is in your own mind.

Isn't it?

That's not my name

Mukesh. It is supposed to mean "love and freedom".

So I read on a key ring.

My first name. 6 letters. 2 syllables. Easy.

Not Mooooooookesh, or Manwesh, or even Mark. Yes Mark. I have been called Mark. What the hell??

A few years ago some guy started chatting to me about religion etc. It took a while for me to explain that I wasn't really too religious. I don't follow it too much. I know and like certain aspects of the Hindu religion and some of the stories are great but I am not religious. It also took a while for me to explain the difference between Hinduism and Islam. I felt like he was opening his eyes to a whole new world whilst I was talking.

Anyway he said right at the end how he "liked your lot." After speaking to him, I actually did understand what he meant however I really didn't like the fact that he was stereotyping "my lot." There are over 1 billion Indian people in the world. I am sure that at least a few of them are different to each other. Plus I am actually British anyway. This was really difficult for me to explain to him. I felt like he was closing his eyes to a whole new world whilst I carried on talking to him.

He then went on to tell me how he knew a woman on his street who would sometimes make and bring food to him. This oaf then asked me if I would know this woman. I then explained to him that just because this woman is Indian doesn't mean to say that I would know her. There are hundreds of Indians living in the town I live in. I also told him I was probably more British then he was and that just went completely over his head. So I asked what this woman was called. Her name.

"Shirley".

Now I hate stereotyping. I hate people that stereotype. I like to think each person is an individual and all that. But I had to ask:-

"An Indian woman called Shirley??"

"Oh no, Shirley isn't her real name. I just call her that because I don't know her real name. It is something weird that I've never heard of."

Now the oaf had annoyed me more than ever. But the problem is a LOT of people are like this. And people whose names might be unfamiliar are now tending to accept it.

For example, I know a guy who has the same name that my dad had. Pravin. It is supposed to mean intelligent or clever or something along those lines. But rather than have people calling him Pravin-his REAL name. People call him "Jimmy". Because in his words- "it is easier".

Another example is another Indian who manages an Indian pub. Even though there are more Indians than none Indians who go there the majority of the time, he also uses a fake name. His real name is the same name of a character from The Simpsons. "Apulvar". Or "Apu" for short. However he wants people to call him "Andy". Because in his words-it is "more practical".

Now I am all for easier and more practical things in life. But I really don't think that this is the way to go about it. The problem with these things is that it gets impossible for people to open their minds to other cultures, other possibilities, other ways of lives.

If Shirley delivers the food, Jimmy decorates the flowers and Andy serves the pint in the pub, not only is it too easy, but it is also mundane. I know people are afraid of the unfamiliar and sometimes it is not even a case of feeling threatened, it is just a case of opening your eyes and treating people as individuals. Who they ARE not who in your eyes you think they should be.

As for the people who want to it to be easier and more practical and give everyone a name that isn't theirs. That is the first step to losing your identity.

Don't be afraid of giving a name people might not get, or might find weird or might not understand. It is up to them to get, to like it and to be intrigued by it. To like you for who you are. People should be comfortable in asking about your name if they have never heard it before. People who give fake names should be comfortable in telling people their real names because it is who they are. It is their name!

Also, if people call you a certain name that you're not, that could lead to people having their own perceptions of you that aren't true. Don't let people tell you who you are. You have to decide that for yourself.

So rather than calling myself "Mark" or "John" or whatever might be easier and practical:-

My name is Mukesh.

Andy Murray wins Wimbledon

It seems like such a long time ago when I wrote this:-

http://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/andy-murray-finally-wins-slam.html

But it was less than a year ago. And now most certainly, winning The US Open was no fluke. 

Most of the headlines in the newspapers were "After 77 years, the wait is finally over." But I bet there aren't many people who have actually waited that long a time as most of those people weren't even born when the last British man (Fred Perry) won Wimbledon. But nonetheless, it was pretty amazing to witness this event. It is everywhere at the minute, so I will keep this short.  

For a British tennis player, Wimbledon is The Holy Grail. For Andy Murray to beat Novak Djokovic in straight sets probably would have been beyond anybodies' wildest dreams and I think it was probably the single biggest sporting event in this country since England won the football World Cup in 1966.

Not including The Olympic Games in that. 

I was watching it and couldn't believe how easily he swept aside Djokovic. I know both players said it was a tough game but I think 3 sets to nil speaks for itself. 

Talking of the football world cup in 1966 when England won and when Murray won The US open last year, both times, there was what I feel iconic statements made by commentators. "They think it's all over...it is now" is obviously the most famous saying in sport but also at The US open we got something equally amazing but as it is tennis, it really isn't remembered. Murray was serving for The Championship at 40/0 when he lost the point to make it 40/15 and the commentator said "We've waited 76 years, we can wait a few seconds longer."

However throughout the whole of The Wimbledon final, the commentary was so dull and boring and I think it was because maybe the commentators were nervous. But when Murray was up 40/0 and was serving for The Championship, I was pleading at the TV for them to say something really amazing and iconic but all we got was, "he deserves this" and then, "he won at The Olympic Games and also at The US Open" and then something along the lines of "it's nerve racking." I was almost thinking to myself "SAY SOMETHING ICONIC NOW. SAY SOMETHING FITTING."

And on the fourth and final championship point Boris Becker came with the words:-

"Any point will do."

That was when I stood up and KNEW that this was the moment. And it was. I have read so many articles and watched the news so many times about the final match point and yet those words haven't been mentioned anywhere but I really loved that moment and those words. Maybe it hasn't been mentioned because a German said it but I guess they are used to winning things so in that respect it was fitting!

Murray wanted to change the fact that Dunblane was always known as the town where the shooting tragedy happened whilst he was at school there. It will now be known as the town that produced the greatest British tennis player.

I don't think Murray will be the type of person who will soak this up for 50 odd years or so. He will be back training as soon as possible to better himself even more and win more majors. Imagine if the England football team somehow won the world cup-half of them would get drunk everyday for the next 6 months and cheat on their wives numerous times. And then they would go on about it for half a century and not win anything at all.

Another great moment was when he went onto the balcony to celebrate to the fans who were watching on the big screens outside the court. It really isn't the same inside the court when the camera pans from famous face to famous face who in turn pose for camera shots themselves. It is for the fans who travel, camp, save up money all year to come down to scream their support. It is for them.

Gracious in last years Wimbledon final defeat and dreamlike in this years victory, this is a sportsman who truly can be Britains'-sorry Scotlands' greatest sportsman. I wonder if England will ever have a Wimbledon champion?

Well done Andy Murray.

Roulette machines

I am intentionally writing this post a few months later than when I was originally going to write it. The reason being is that a few months after I wrote this post -

http://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/gambling-advertisements-payday-loan.html  ... -

- I saw a double page spread in the newspaper about the dangers of "fixed odds betting terminals" otherwise known as "FOBT's"which in turn are otherwise known as roulette machines. The word "fob" springs to mind and in The Oxford English dictionary the meaning is - 1. to cheat someone and 2 to put (someone) off by deception or trickery. Talk about irony.

Anyway, after reading the article, it was obvious that the reporter who wrote it, no way understood exactly how bad these things actually are. But is was almost as if they had read my post above and then decided to write about it themselves (I know they didn't do that but it is what it felt like). I wrote that post over 3 months ago and my point now being is that it seems like it's too late. Hence me writing this post now. As it is already too late for some people.

The point I am trying to make is that it should have been a double page spread in the newspaper about 5 years ago. In fact, the warning signs should have made not just a double page spread, but national front pages 5 years ago in 2008 rather than a page 12-13 double spread in 2013.

I want to write about this myself as this particular reporter, just like every other reporter that I have seen on this subject, whether it be on TV or any newspaper doesn't have any personal experience with "fixed odds betting terminals" whatsoever. In fact every single reporter I have seen ALWAYS puts in £100 to "test" these machines and then they "lose" it and then they think that they know them inside out and what it does to people.

These reporters are fucking hypocrites.

You cannot know about them unless you had proper personal experiences with them. Life changing experiences-which are never for the better after going on those machines. Not just £100 which was probably just given to them by whichever rich company they work for. It really isn't the same and they shouldn't even try to understand. So I am going to try and make everyone who may read this understand themselves INCLUDING any idiot reporters who may think that they have the right to write articles/do documentaries about them.

First of all, I want to point out that through no fault of their own, how non-gamblers are failing to realise the potential horror of what gambling can actually create. I'm going to do this by writing a few statements that have been said to me from some people I know. These statements are about other people that that they know and are just from the past few days:-

"I don't know where his money goes, but he keeps taking out payday loans and credit cards. But it's almost as if the money just disappears. He doesn't buy anything."

"He has 2 jobs, doesn't pay rent but I never see him buy anything. At first I thought he might be on drugs but he is far too healthy for that."

"He asked me money for new trainers but he works full time."

"How are they in debt? It doesn't make sense, they should have plenty of money as they have worked all their lives."

These are just some of the oblivious things a non gambler would say. For anyone that DOES or HAS gambled, the answers are all very simple:-

"They have no money because they probably gamble it all away."

It isn't a thing that would ever enter minds of people who don't gamble. It is like so beautifully oblivious that everyone that does gamble is probably jealous that they cannot have those innocent thoughts in their own minds. To have a flutter here and there in this day and age EVERYBODY who has a job would probably do. Something like the lottery or The Grand National (which I have won 4 times in the last 8 years which is crazy).

But to completely throw every single penny of your wages away for some people is an unthinkable thing to do. Unfortunately, for others, it is something that happens all too regularly. Mostly on these machines. So much money just into those machines that are now EVERYWHERE.

People cannot walk down the street without going past a bookmakers. Again, for non-gamblers, they probably wouldn't even notice them. There was one example a couple of months ago when I was with my friend and she wanted to put a bet on The Grand National. I met her and she wanted me to show her what to do and how to do it. We were on a main street in Manchester City centre. Her words were "I wonder if we will pass a bookies." My reply was "It's a pretty safe bet that we will." I know I know. The irony of the words used in that sentence too. We passed 3 in a 5 minute walk.

But why and how are there so many??

The roulette machines is why and how.

Bookmakers weren't nowhere near enough making as much profit as they are now before the machines were introduced. Now so many people are addicted to them or becoming addicted to them that bookies can afford to open more and more shops, hire more and more staff and feed more and more peoples' addiction. More bookmakers are opening just so they can have these machines. They are only allowed a maximum if 4 per shop. But they make that much money from them, that they can open a few shops just to have more machines. Even if there is a bookmakers already in a small town with (which would probably have a high unemployment rate), the same company of that bookmakers will if they could open another one just a few meters away.

For gamblers, every single bookies that opens is another place to feed their addiction. Some even believing that their luck might change going into a new place. This delusional thinking is all too common in gamblers. A new place. A new start.

It's not the way it works.

For none gamblers from the bookmakers point of view, it is another place for them to try and entice people to come in and thus ruin more lives. This is no exaggeration. This is what gambling does. Not that the bookmakers are intentionally ruining lives but it is what is happening. There are hardly people who are "controlled gamblers". There are people who never ever gamble, there are people who have a flutter once a year or so and then there are people who choose to throw their money away kidding themselves that they will get that "one big win" that will sort their lives out. This hardly EVER happens and those choice of words I know is wrong because to a gambler those exact words aren't "this hardly ever happens" but instead they are "so there is a small chance of it happening then".

And so they will keep going for that one big win that will change their lives, that will restore the balance of all the money that they have lost over the years. Not stopping to realise that they are throwing away a lot more money and never getting that big win.

So when does it end?

And how do the bookmakers entice people to come in? How can someone who is completely oblivious to everything about gambling and have such an innocent mind be persuaded to go into a betting shop in the first place? Why would they want to do that? What is the motivation?

The answer is money. Free money. Or the possibility of free money. Nobody would ever in their right mind turn down an opportunity for free money. It would be a ridiculous thing to do no matter how innocent your mind might be. Bookmakers will have "free tournaments" advertised in their huge windows which are always full size ones so you are literally seeing an advertisement that is the size of yourself and thus it is unavoidable and it would say something along the lines of "Free tournament on the machines. Come in on Saturday between 1pm-3pm for your chance to win £30 cash absolutely FREE." For somebody that doesn't gamble, why would you just pass up the opportunity to win money for free? You don't have to stake anything yourself. You just go in, you play the machine with free credit and see how much you can get it to on the game chosen by the bookmakers. You get an allocated time. If you get the highest amount out of everyone who entered the free tournament, you win free money. You have nothing to lose, right?

Wrong.

The whole point in these tournaments is because the powers that be of the bookies know full well how addictive these machines are. Giving away money is a long term investment of getting people addicted. And so claiming more victims. If someone who had never gambled won money for free, then they would most probably think that they could do it again. The same way a drug dealer would get people addicted to drugs. They make them as appealing as possible. Once the victim is addicted, they know they will then keep coming back.

Celebrities are shamelessly used to advertise/promote gambling. These fuckers don't give a shit about being a responsible role model for people. They just want to line their own pockets full of money whilst luring innocent victims to the world of gambling. to enter bookmakers who until a few years ago weren't making nowhere near the amount of money they make now due to the roulette machines.

It always starts small with the machines. Always. A couple of pounds here and there, oh I got a fiver now, I will collect that. It slowly builds. Within a couple of years that couple of pounds would have built to a couple of thousands of pounds. It is unthinkable for someone who is just starting to gamble on the machines or to the beautifully oblivious non-gamblers. I know that if they see people who put in £20 notes after £20 notes and do a maximum of £100 a spin on the roulette wheel, they would think that the people that were doing these spins were either insane or super rich. But they are neither in most cases. They are just addicted.

If every time someone put in £2 and collected £5, they would simply think "well that is just like me putting £20 and getting it to £50. The maths are the same." But it doesn't work like that. The machines are designed to take your money. They are designed to be addictive. They are designed to make you think that there is a chance of winning. Which there is. And that is where the problem is. The chance is always there. But it doesn't mean to say you are actually going to win. It just means to say you just actually THINK you might win.

Now I am not saying £2 is a little bit of money as for those that have lost everything, £2 can be a lot of money. But £2 compared to £100 IS a little bit of money. For example, after a couple of weeks of betting with just £2, those people would want to crave a higher adrenalin rush and so the stakes would go higher. But that is not where the downward spiral starts. The downward spiral starts the moment when anybody steps into the bookmakers in the first place. You have to think that the money you are going in with isn't yours anymore. It's as simple as that. Before you have placed a bet-that money that you are betting with ISN'T YOURS. It is gone. Yes you might win and then collect the winnings but unless you are one of those few people who does have a once in a year flutter then the money will always go back.

Another ironic and hypocritical thing is bookmakers seem to have small posters and leaflets advertising Gamcare. A helpline for problem gamblers. I think it is a legal requirement to have these. Like they make a fucking difference. The only time people would ring that number is after a  huge loss.

I have titled this "Roulette machines" and so in my opinion and probably most people if not all who play them, if you go on the roulette machines, that money of yours is gone forever. Yes you can win. You can put in £20 and get it to £50 and leave the bookies and then go to KFC and get yourself a large Godfather meal and stuff yourself with that. But guaranteed and written in stone is that you will go back to the bookies and play on them again. But you might win again. You might then decide that life is brilliant. You put in £40 and get it to £500. Easy money, You know after 23 came out that 32 would be the next number. You have seen it so many times so you put the maximum you can on that one number which is around £13.50p which will give you around £468 back. Wow. Let's take everyone for pizza tonight. You can do this all the time now. Or not every time. You can be sensible and go now and again and just hit a number like that and that will be that.

Only the next time you go, it doesn't work out. You put in £20. Nothing. You need to win your £20 back now, it doesn't matter if you won all that money the other day. If you won that much, surely then it is easy to win £20 back. So you put in another £20. That's goes too. And then another £20 and then another £20......oh wait, it just hit 23. Number 32 is going to come out next! It's happened so many times and that will get you your money back so you put £13.50p on 32. It goes "next door". It hit 15. So close. Another £20, another £30, you start sweating, you feel nauseated another £50 goes in. Another £50. Cash machine won't give you anymore money so you pay by card at the counter. And then again. And then...again.  Money is all gone. It just didn't hit your numbers. You hate yourself. You can't cry as you're too sick inside. You feel numb. But it doesn't really hit you. Not yet. You wonder how you will cope for the rest of the month. Rent? Bills? Food? What are you going to do? People are going hungry because of their addiction to these roulette machines.

For anyone who is reading this that has never been on a roulette machine before might find this difficult to understand. How can people be this stupid? What, to not pay your rent? Your bills? To not buy food? To waste money in machines? Don't be ridiculous, not many people are stupid enough to do this. What about unemployed people? How can they even afford, even think about going in a bookmakers and on these machines? How stupid must you have to be?

Again, it really isn't stupidity, it is an addiction. And there are people doing it every day. Addiction and stupidity are 2 different things. And soon enough it goes from being, rent, food, bills to rent, food, bills, credit card 1 credit card 2, loan etc.

There is a reason why the roulette machines are also known as "THE CRACK COCAINE" of the betting industry. You can lose £15,000 in an hour. Writing that even sounds weird to me but I have seen it happen so many times. People aren't just losing their money but they are losing their minds and their souls to these machines. I have seen people not going into work because they can't get off the machines. I knew one guy who was addicted to cocaine. He told me that the roulette machines "were much worse". Yet unlike cocaine, the machines are everywhere and so easy to access.

In 2001 it was scientifically proven that parts of the brain that respond to winning and losing money whilst gambling are the same that respond to cocaine and morphine.

Dopamine released from the brain is released when something pleasurable happens. If you were to know you were about to get sex for example or just the possibility of it, your brain would be expecting dopamine to be released.

So on the roulette machines say for example, with the 23 and 32 numbers coming out together or near to each other, (this is just one of thousands of examples of people thinking they can predict what number is next, but I am just using this one again) it lands on 23 and then if you believe the next number will be 32 your brain will expect this. If it lands on 32, your brain will release the dopamine making you feel amazing. If the next time, number 32 doesn't come out, the expectant dopamine isn't released and you can end up getting frustrated, irrational, disappointed etc. But then when something unexpected happens-for example, it just happens to land on a number where you have a lot of money on it, the levels of dopamine are much higher because you're not expecting it but the problem is that next time you will see what number came out before your number and your brain will tell you that. The dopamine neurons in your brain will want to see some kind of pattern or prediction but the problem with that is that there are no patterns on machines. People will THINK that they can work them out or see a pattern. People will ALWAYS say "this number will be next", "that number is coming out soon" and the worst one is "this number is due". Our brain cells are thinking that they will figure out a pattern or what number is next. IT WON'T. Yes you might hit a number you have most on because you thought it was coming out. That isn't you figuring it out and being really intelligent or clever like you have achieved something. The machine just let it happen. The human brain is wanting to see patterns that could favour you but it is impossible to KNOW what number is coming out next from a software. There might have been patterns in the past but if you think that these patterns will always happen then you actually ARE stupid and not just addicted. Maybe the machine is programmed to do this so if you hit a number with lots of money on then you do think you're intelligent and clever. It'll soon take your money back.

People constantly lose their money, go to the bank to get more and insist on going back on the same machine chasing their losses. Either because they think that their numbers are due, or that the machine is "due to pay out" or even because they are almost in what can only be described as a battle of wits against that machine. They think that they need to beat the machine. Only 1-your numbers AREN'T "due" as it is a machine and any numbers can come up anytime. Most likely, not the ones you have chosen and 2-it is a machine you are going up against. "Wits" don't come into play as much as you think they might do. The machine doesn't have a brain. It is just programmed to take your money. Some people then would change machine saying "this machine isn't paying" and think that they would be doing a clever thing by changing machines to pit their wits against that one. If you had any wits in the first place (along with willpower), you would simply just stay away full stop. As difficult as that is, it is THAT which is the most intelligent and clever thing to do. The only way to beat the roulette machines is to stay well away from them.

There is always a massive debate as to whether the machines are fixed or not. The amount of times you see people who have most of the wheel covered and maybe have one or two numbers with nothing on them and then the ball painfully landing on one of those numbers is all too common. You always hear "and they are supposed to be random". If it says that the number drawn is from a random number generator, then that is all well and good but then the question remains as to why does it screw so many people and why does it screw so many people so many times??

Well roulette is made so it has a house edge. Everyone knows that or should know that simple fact of the house edge. Something that only pays 35/1 when there is 37 numbers (including the number 0 or even 00 on American tables) OBVIOUSLY gives the house and edge. Any idiot can figure that out. The edge on a roulette wheel (European) with one "0" number is 2.7 which means that every £1000 gambled, the house would make £27. That is a plain and simple fact.

People sometimes say "oooh 7 black numbers in a row, it must be due a red". I have even seen someone complain to a cashier about that. Those kind of people are even bigger idiots than you can possibly imagine. Each spin it is under 50% chance for a red or a black. Each spin! If you were able to take the odds of having 7 black numbers in a row before the run of them, the odds would be different. But you can't do that. SO EACH SPIN IS A SPIN IN ITSELF. NOTHING IS DUE. NO LOW NUMBERS, NO HIGH NUMBERS, NO BLACK NUMBERS, NO RED NUMBERS OR ZERO OR ANYTHING. You have to be a total imbecile to think that something is "due".

But what about the roulette machines in bookmakers?? They constantly keep ruining people. It is supposed to be random! The ball is supposed to be from a random number generator! So why do so many people get screwed by covering most of the wheel and getting empty spins??

Let me explain my theory to this. I am not saying that this is right but it is just what I think:-

Let's just say for example, there are 1000 machines and there is one random number generator for all of these. At the same time, the machines have an "average payout" percentage on them. So how on earth can there be an average payout if the machines have to take a certain amount in the first place along with there being a "random number generator"?? It doesn't make sense. So let's say you did a bet which totalled to £20 and the number the ball landed on is 5 and you only had 20p on it, that would return you £7:20p but you would be down £12:80p but the machine would class it in its' programme as a "win" even though you didn't actually make any profit, it would still be classed as a "winning" spin. It wasn't a winning spin, but it was a win to the machine as it paid something and stays inputted as a win. Therefore, to get the percentages accurate on their takings, the random number generator would indeed be generating random numbers BUT it would be doing so by randomly picking numbers which have less amounts on them throughout the 1000 machines. Obviously on some of those machines the numbers could have good amounts on them, but this will be balanced by the fact that on most of the others, they won't. If you did a £20 spin and covered 20 numbers with £1, obviously any number you hit is a profit but it isn't going to keep giving you a profit every spin. Or even if it does a few times and you collect and go home happy, most probably, there is someone or some people somewhere else who have in total probably lost more than you won.

So in other words, winning numbers are generated on the total payouts being less than taken in.

Also if the machine is spun at exactly the same time as the one next to it, the same number will be drawn. It is all computerised and it is all designed to take more money. The odds are always against you on a normal roulette wheel in a casino and even though it can be classed as random in the bookmakers, they are also very much against you in the same way. But in any case like I said, being random and having an average payout doesn't make any sense. As the balls drawn are random, but the money being paid out isn't as it has to make a profit (if that is understandable).

I know that there is also the argument of "well if there is a percentage payout and a lot of people have lost, then there is a chance that it could be ready to pay out now."

Imagine a cocaine addict going into a place where it was available in 4 separate parts of the place. Imagine if within a 10 mile radius, there were 100 of these places. Imagine the cocaine addict somehow tracking all these places to find the purest cocaine that will give him the best high ever.

Not only is it impossible to do, but if a cocaine addict who needed a fix went into a place and saw it was there, he would take it. Not wait for someone else to use it first and then have some. That is the same with the roulette machines. If someone who is addicted to them sees one free, then that person will go on it. Not wait for someone else to use it first. And even if a person does use it and loses hundreds of pounds, that does not mean it is ready to pay out! Again, you have to be a total idiot to think that.

There has hardly been anything at all about the dangers of roulette machines. Apart from one TV show and a thing here and there in the newspapers. Nothing of note to really warn people about the dangers of them. The only people who warn people of the dangers of them are the people who have gone on them themselves. Unfortunately, those people are most probably still going on them, so even knowing the dangers won't make them stop.

These machines are the sole cause of more and more bookmakers being opened. Legally any one betting shop cannot have more than 4 fixed odds betting terminals. Believe it or not as I stated before, the bookmakers open shops mainly just because they can put 4 more machines there. Is there any other explanation for a small new certain company opening another bookmakers in my town centre when there is a massive one literally just 30 seconds walk away? It is purely so they can have more machines in one small area. And even though bookmakers are opening everywhere and making everything so much worse, it isn't just the gamblers that suffer. It is the people who care about them. Friends, families, lovers ALL have to be lied to.

Imagine telling your partner that you lost your whole wage in an hour. Imagine losing someone you really care about. Imagine working long and hard and then having to borrow money to pay for travel and food. Imagine having no job and wasting the little benefit money you receive. Imagine not being able to do anything with your friends and having to make excuses as to why you can't. Imagine lying all the time. Imagine feeling so empty that you can't even cry. Imagine stealing money to feed your addiction. Imagine feeling so ashamed of yourself that you want to commit suicide and end it all.

Each and every one of these things isn't imaginary. They are everyday occurrences ALL BECAUSE OF THESE FIXED ODDS BETTING TERMINALS.

There has been talk for a while that they will change them and make the maximum spin £2 instead of £100. Unfortunately, that isn't happening. But instead of that, the best thing that could happen is if THE SHIT GOVERNMENT THAT RUNS THIS COUNTRY DOES SOMETHING AND TAKE ALL THE MACHINES OUT AND GET RID OF THEM FOREVER.

I guarantee that if something doesn't get done now, there will be more suicides, more debt, more people suffering, more horror and then all those people who don't or have never gone on these machines will slowly realise what is going on, then wonder why nothing was done about it before.

You can bet on it.

Sir Alex Ferguson retires

The best manager ever in the history of football-born Mr Alex Beaton Ferguson now better known as Sir Alex Ferguson has retired from the management of Manchester United football club.

Sir Alex was appointed manager of Manchester United on the 6th of November 1986. I was 4 and a half years old at the time, just beginning to get into football and was just starting to become a "life long" fan of the sport and of Manchester United. He came to the club with one goal in mind-to knock the dominating Liverpool "off their fucking perch". One man. One mission. And I think it is safe to say-mission accomplished. 

His retirement was announced on the 8th of May 2013. Manager of a club, the same club for 26 and a half years. Will there ever be a manager anywhere ever in the world that achieves this alone?-No. Never.

It is such a strange thing because nearly my whole life he has been manager of the club I love and you kind of just think it will be forever. Knowing inside that that would be impossible as nothing can last forever The man is 71 yeas old for crying out loud and retirement was expected 10 years ago but now it has actually happened, I and probably a lot of Manchester United fans are probably feeling just a tad empty and even a little bit shocked even though retirement was and should be indeed be definitely expected. I guess what I am trying to say is that it is a change from the norm of what we are used to and now we don't know what is going to happen.

He wasn't just a manager. He was an icon, an inspiration and a father figure. 

His final game at West Brom was his 1500th game in charge.

The players over all the years under his guidance, I am going to go as far as to say all of them are probably thinking he was the best manager they had ever played for. The squads Sir Alex assembled over the years have just been phenomenal. They would have to be to win 38 trophies at one club:-

Premier League -             1992-1993, 1993-1994, 1995-1996, 1996-1997,
                                       1998-1999, 1999-2000, 2000-2001, 2002-2003,
                                       2006-2007, 2007-2008, 2008-2009, 2010-2011,
                                       2012-2013

FA Cup -                           1990, 1994, 1996, 1999, 2004

League Cup -                     1992, 2006, 2009, 2010

FA Community Shield -      1990, 1993, 1994, 1997, 1997, 2003,
                                          2007, 2008, 2010, 2011

UEFA Champions League - 1999, 2008

UEFA Cup Winners Cup -   1991

UEFA Super Cup -             1991

Intercontinental Cup -          1999

FIFA Club World Cup -     2008

It was exhausting just writing that.

Apart from the amount of Premier League titles, the most noticeable thing to me is how few Champions Leagues Sir Alex won. For a manager as amazing as him, 2 does not seem right at all. I am sure that he feels the same about that.

All those years, all those trophies, all those players involved to win all those trophies-no I am not going to write every single player down but I am going to write my personal top 10 players ever - signings/homegrown. I am not doing 2 separate top 10s so this is my all-time:-

1. Eric Cantona

2. Peter Schmeichel

3. Roy Keane

4. Paul Scholes

5. Ryan Giggs

6. Cristiano Ronaldo

7. Nemenja Vidic

8. Bryan Robson

9. Ruud Van Nistelrooy

10. Japp Stam

Some noticeable absentees but maybe they made it into my best 11 players' team under Sir Alex. A formation of 4-4-2 which means some players in the above list may not make it.

                                                 Peter Schmeichel 

Gary Neville            Nemenja Vidic              Japp Stam                     Denis Irwin

Cristiano Ronaldo       Paul Scholes             Roy Keane                     Ryan Giggs

                                               
                            Eric Cantona                       Robin Van Persie

I know I know, I chose Ruud over Robin in my all time favourite players but chose Robin over Ruud in my all-time favourite team. It's because I think the combination of Eric and Robin in their prime would be unstoppable and Robin has only been with us one season so he didn't make the all time list which is of course is subject to change but not players who have played under Sir Alex. Strangely after writing this and choosing my selections, in a Sir Alex Ferguson special in The Manchester Evening News, this was the exact same all-time 11 APART from Robin Van Persie. They had Ruud Van Nistelrooy instead.

As you can see, there have been some stellar names who have played under Sir Alex and there are so many who haven't even been mentioned. Countless ones who under Sir Alex have become world class players. Players aren't just BORN world class. They have to be nurtured, guided, advised and brought up to BECOME world class. Under any other manager, I don't think half these players would have become as good as they are and gone on to achieve so much success. 

There have been countless managers who have tried and failed to dethrone Sir Alex. They might have done so for a bit, bit then Sir Alex always came fighting back. Managers like Jose Mourhino, Kenny Daglish, Arsene Wenger and to a lesser extent, Rafael Benitez and Roberto Mancini. 

The way in which he frustrated managers was just so unbelievable. Kevin Keegan losing it on live TV (and then losing the next game to United), Rafael Benitezs' "facts" speech and again to a lesser extent, Roberto Mancini recently claiming that he himself was the best manager in the Premier League. This is AFTER United reclaimed the title with 4 games still to go. 

Here are some of my favourite quotes by Sir Alex:-

"I can't believe it, I can't believe it. Football. bloody hell." (After winning the Champions League final in 1999
                                                                                        with Utd scoring 2 goals in injury time.)

"It would have been Sir Matt Busbys' 90th birthday
 today, but I think he was up there doing a lot of kicking."  (Another post match on that final.)

"They say he's an intelligent man right? Speaks 5 languages?
I've got a 15-year-old boy from the Ivory Coast who
speaks 5 languages!"                                                          (On Arsene Wenger.)

"If he was an inch taller, he'd be the best centre-half in
Britain. His father is 6ft 2in. I'd check the milkman."           (On Gary Neville)

"He could start a row in an empty house."                          (On Dennis Wise.)

"He was certainly full of it. Calling me 'Boss' and 'Big man'
when we had our post-match drink after the first leg. But
it would help if his greetings were accompanied by a decent
glass of wine. What he gave me was paint-stripper."          (On Jose Mourinho.)

"I remember the first time I saw him. He was 13 and just
floated over the ground like a cocker spaniel chasing a
piece of silver paper in the wind."                                      (On Ryan Giggs)

"My greatest challenge is not what's happening at the
moment, my greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool     (After Alan Hansen claimed he was 'past it'.)
right off their fucking perch. And you can print that."

"You must be joking. Do I look like a masochist ready
to cut myself? How does relegation sound?"                     (On Liverpool being title contenders in 2007.)

"If ever there was one player, anywhere in the world
that was made for Manchester United, it was Cantona.
He swaggered in, stuck his chest out, raised his head,
surveyed everything as though he was asking 'I'm
Cantona. How big are you? Are you big enough for me?" (On Eric Cantona.)

And here are some comments about Sir Alex:-

"I am director at United but I hardly do anything because
we are winning all the time and it is all down to Sir Alex
Ferguson."                                                                       - Sir Bobby Charlton

"Disappointed, shocked, sad. Didn't think THAT day
would be today."                                                              - Peter Schmeichel.

"What a privilege to have played under arguably the best
manager the world has ever seen."                                     - Michael Owen.

"You will never see anyone of his kind again. His standards
were so high. He was so demanding. Yes we had our ups
and downs. The way he treated me was like a son."           - Paul Ince.

"I will never forget the loyalty he showed me. Everything
I learnt, I learnt from the boss."                                          - Ole Gunnar Solksjaer.

"It's a sad day for Manchester United. It's a day we should
celebrate what he's done for Manchester United. It was
always going to come as a shock. Without doubt, the best
manager that's ever lived."                                                  - Dennis Irwin.

"He changed the mentality of every single member at that
football club."                                                                     - Gary Neville.

"As I have said many times before, the boss wasn't just the
greatest and best manager I ever played under, he was also
a father figure to me from the moment I arrived at the club
at the age of 11 until the day I left."                                     - David Beckham.

"The boss' work ethic, his desire to win and to make us
better players were unrivaled. Thanks boss."                      - Rio Ferdinand.

"Thanks for everything boss."                                             - Cristiano Ronaldo.

I am going to write one short conversation which always seems to be forgotten during The Champions League game in 1999 which should be remembered more. Not many people seem to talk about it, but it was with Brian Kidd after Manchester United equalised. You obviously can't catch it on the video but after Manchester United equalised, it was this:-

Brian Kidd -            "Let's revert back to a 4-4-2 formation."

Sir Alex Ferguson - "Hang on. Something's happening out there."



Those words!

Those words are awesome words. Why be content in just scoring the equaliser in injury-time? Why not just go for the win too?

Then there was this European cup:-

With all the passion, drive, hunger and ambition he has, it is so easy to forget that Sir Alex is 71. It seemed Robin Van Persie forgot here:

After winning his 1st league title with Manchester United:-



After winning his 13th title with Manchester United and the clubs' 20th in total:-




This is one of the best goals I have seen under Sir Alex. (The Ryan Giggs goal of course but I put the highlights of the whole game on because it was amazing.)



The guy was a born winner. Here is his total win/loss record with Manchester United:-

                                     Played    Won   Drawn   Lost      Goals     Goals    Win
                                                                                         For      Against   Rate (%)

Premier League	808	527	167	114	1620	697	65
First Division	225	97	70	58	319	227	43
FA Cup	120	80	22	18	230	93	67
League Cup	97	62	10	25	178	107	64
European Cup	202	110	52	40	352	186	54
Cup Winners Cup	13	8	4	1	20	8	62
UEFA Cup	8	1	4	3	8	9	13
Community Shield	16	4	7	5	22	22	25
European Super Cup	3	1	0	2	2	3	33
Intercontinental Cup	1	1	0	0	1	0	100
Club World Cup	5	3	1	1	10	7	60
Total	1500	895	338	267	2762	1359	60

What a lot of people don't talk about is what he did for the revenue in Manchester. The success of Manchester United is down to him and all that success has brought in so much money and revenue for the city of Manchester and the whole country. When I used to work in a hotel in Manchester, there were so many people coming from abroad to watch Manchester Uniteds' home games and the money they spent in the hotel, around bars/restaurants and places in the whole city would have been so much.

Thank you Sir Alex for turning Manchester United into the greatest club of all time. Thank you for the trophies, the years of entertainment and all the "squeaky bum time".

Manchester United and the whole of the footballing world will never ever be the same again.