I wrote this a while ago:-
https://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.com/2014/10/lust-love.html
But it's a beautiful thing. I think it might just be the best thing.
I am selfish. With all that is going on in this world.
The coronavirus and people being on lockdown and having to self isolate, it's probably quite lonely for a lot of people. But that isn't why I feel lonely and just so empty and pointless. I do not feel like there is a point in anything at all.
I split up with my girlfriend exactly a month ago. I have always said to people that are suffering through breakups that it will be fine and I always use a classic line and tell them that they haven't even met 99.9% people in the world yet and breakups happen for a reason and all that etc.
But the problem is that I am really old fashioned and that I believe that she is the love of my life and I do not have her with me anymore and I haven't felt this low since:-
https://muksblogaboutstuff.blogspot.com/2013/05/goodbye-dad.html
I feel like I have failed in life and that anything I want to persue or any kind of interest in anything means nothing. I miss all the beauthing things that she is. The most beautiful things were always from her or had something to do with her. Even though we also really did bring the worst out in each other-the absolute utmost worse. She bought out the worst in me and I bought out the worst in her.
But even those memories are beautiful.
I thought I tried my best. It wasn't good enough. I kept saying to everyone that even though I wasn't happy with a lot of things in my life, I slept in a kingsize bed with the most beautiful girl in the world. So it didn't matter. I'd made it.
Everyone keeps saying to just give it time. Including her-she said the same. That it will get better.
But I know it won't. In some ways, I don't want it to. Even though I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't concentrate on anything at all.
I love her. I miss her.
