Goodbye Cookie

Our beautiful Dog was put to sleep yesterday.

Some people may have the nerve to say "it's just a Dog". I feel sorry for those pathetic people.

Cookie was so lovable, pure and unlike some Humans, he would never intentionally upset you. That is the same for most Dogs. They are loyal and caring.

Cookie was the most loyal and caring Dog in the world.

It wasn't easy to see him being put to sleep. It was like a bit of everything that was good in the world was being taken away.

Unfairly.

Personally, I think the world would be a much more beautiful place with Dogs like Cookie.

It is almost shameful being a Human. I think people could learn a lot from this.

Goodbye Cookie. Thank You.

I'm sorry for shouting at you for peeing on the floor. Who am I going to moan to now about the awfulness of Humanity?

Sleep tight you beautiful Dog. X

Carry on

On the night/morning of Monday 11th/Tuesday 12th of December 2017, I found myself uncontrollably crying in my bed. I couldn't sleep and I felt so down that I couldn't think straight, I was barely moving and had no clue what to do.

It felt like no matter what I did/do/was going to do was wrong. Nothing I did was right. No matter where I was. At work, at home, in between the two, wherever. A build up of frustration, sadness and lost hope had all finally got to me. I had work the next morning and tried to listen to some "music for sleeping" tunes on my earphones which was lovely but rather than making me sleep, it just made me want a harp and a piano. I was in a bad state. How the heck was I going to go to work that morning?

"I try my best and everyone keeps constantly shitting on me".

Everyones' circumstances are different and I am sure that a lot of people sometimes get like this. But what could anyone do to not feel like this? It took a long few hours but fear not my beautiful readers, I have some advice:-

People out there in the world are going to try and make your life hell. Sometimes things are not going to go your way no matter what you do. There are going to be people who take out their own frustrations on you. NOBODY will appreciate what you do. You won't get ANY support. They are going to make you feel down because that is just who they are and what they do. BUT THAT IS OK.

The reason being is that as long as YOU try YOUR best with whatever you are doing. Whatever goals/dreams/ambitions that you have. WHATEVER they may be, as long as you try your best regardless of what your situation is, regardless of what your circumstances are and regardless of what people say and/or do to you- as long as you know you do what you can to make things OK then....... it is OK.

If you can somehow (this is NOT an easy thing to do) take a step back from it all and look at yourself and just think :-

"Have I tried today?"
"Did I do the best I can?"
"Am I a good person?"

If you can seriously consider these questions and answer "Yes" to them and you believe it, then you've done it. I am not saying that you should do this everyday but when you are feeling low. When times are tough. There are going to be people and unfortunately maybe even those closest to you that are going to make you feel lower and make times tougher.

But you have to carry on. As lonely as it may feel sometimes. And as hard as it is.

When you're feeling down-It is OK to be sad.

How many times do you hear people say to you:-

"Everything will be alright"?

"Things are going to be fine"?

"It will all work out for the best"?

I don't know why or what makes the people that say these things feel the need to say these things. At all. Can they see into the future? No. What are they basing it all on?

I appreciate the fact that I have a bed (although I very rarely sleep). I have clothing, I have food. I do have the feeling which I can't shake off is that one day I may be homeless. If/when it happens then I guess I will face that when the time actually comes. But right now I am not. So that is a good thing. Although I am feeling incredibly down. So what do I do? What do people do?

It's difficult. Depression, Sadness, Worrying. There is ALWAYS something to worry about. So I am not here to tell anyone that things are going to be OK. I will never do that, because I don't know if they will be. What I am going to say is that it is OK to feel sad. And if it is all the time, then it is possible that you may have a mental illness so please try and see someone.

Too many people think they need to go out with a smile on their faces and make out like everything is OK. It is not always the case. Maybe certain jobs or things that you have to do require a small part of you to not be so sad and you have to have some sort of get up and go. I am not saying that doom and gloom is the way to go, but you don't have to feel that you have to be fake. If you are feeling down-talk to someone about it and do not worry about people judging you. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad. It is an emotion.

It is almost exhausting. Keeping everything in. Pretending.

It's not worth it and there is no reason to feel ashamed if you are feeling down.

Christmas time for me

Time for some catharsis guys. Get ready.

Having worked mostly in retail all my working life, it's almost a given that I hate the build up to Christmas.

"You've ruined my childs' Christmas!"

"Why can't you get more staff in?! I've been waiting half an hour!!"

"I want to see your manager! I am not happy!

"I'm next! I'm next!! I'm next!!!"

"I want! I want!! I want!!!"

People are really needlessly angry, stressed, annoyed. This is what Christmas is about-or at least has become about. The behaviour of some can get ridiculous. On a more personal level, the actual day-Christmas day...it really has never been too big a deal. Now I feel almost guilty celebrating it.

I used to always wake up around midday and slightly hungover. Irresponsible of course-as always. Fucking hell I was a shit son. My father used to get up early to make the food. There was always way too much food at the end of it. That was just his way though. Having struggled for food in the early years of his life, it was almost as if he had to make up for that shortage in his older years. My mother would be sat in the living room pissed off about nothing in particular and be watching some awful Indian TV show absolutely refusing to participate in anything festive-not because she hated Christmas, but just because she didn't seem to like it when people were trying to have a good time. My sister would arrive and then so would one of my dads' brothers. Everyone apart from my mother would then eventually sit in the dining room to eat. My mother would get pissed off at people having alcohol and trying to be merry. It was always slightly uncomfortable but oddly quite cosy at the same time. And it was good. What it was-was OK.

And now it is all different. My dad is not around. I don't really want to celebrate Christmas as it just doesn't feel right. But it is almost peer pressure. Everywhere you go, everyone you talk to-it is all about Christmas. I'm not Scrooge, I'm not a grumpy kind of "Bah Humbug" person and I'm definitely not one of those people who when witnessing the "magic" and "miracle" of Christmas can then be changed and then become happy and enjoy it. And not that I believe in Jesus. That subject is almost irrelevant to me. But the fact that people think more about a major brand of soft drink at Christmas than they do of Jesus Christ just does not seem right. Christmas is used for marketing. Christmas is used so people can say "I want this for Christmas".

Sorry, but why the heck should you get anything for Christmas?? Birthdays-yes. You were BORN on that day so whatever many years ago. It's a celebration of your life. Christmas is not celebrating, It is peer pressure and it is stressful and it is saddening.

So does not liking Christmas make me a bad person??

I thought-or would like Christmas to be about helping people. Having a day where you can find some kind of comfort from all the horrible people and the horrible things in the world. I think Christmas time is the time where in the UK, more people commit suicide than any other time in the world. I wish I could help stop this. I understand how the stress can get to people and how they cannot cope. People get in mountains of debt for one day of what they call "celebration". Not only should all of this NEVER happen but how has it even come to this?

I am made out to be a bad person, or a sad,/miserable person just because I do not like Christmas. It is uncomfortable for me. It is stressful, It is hypocritical, It upsets me.

But yet I am almost forced to participate in it.

Black Friday

First of all, why are so many bad things named after "Black"?? As well as the title of this post, you have Blackmail, Black Market, Blacklisted, Black Widow. No wonder there are so many racist people in the world. it seems Black = Bad. All jokes aside, Black Friday is a really strange day to have anywhere apart from The USA. It is a the day after Thanksgiving Day in The USA. It makes sense (although I still don't know why its called "Black Friday". Some say that it is because some retailers go from being 'in the red' to being 'in the black' and actually start to make a profit but I find that hard to believe as the majority of retailers make profit every day especially the one I work for). But for some reason, here in The UK, Black Friday seems to be a thing too. Making no sense whatsoever. In 2013, a supermarket chain in The UK which is a subsidiary of a massive chain in America, introduced Black Friday to The UK thus making crazy people in The UK, going even crazier. In 2014, it was reported by Greater Manchester police that "shoppers had behaved in appalling fashion" and that "lack of planning from retailers was really disappointing". That sounds like just another normal day where I work. People were fighting and looting for crying out loud. Advertisements are a bitch. It is so difficult to not get sucked into wanting something that you do not really need causing people to part with money they probably should not be parting with. In other words, Black Friday is just another stupid marketing gimmick that a lot of people fall for, thinking that they are doing something amazing with their lives by competing against other shoppers and managing to buy something that is priced lesser than it normally is. Question time:- 1) Is the product that you are buying really worth the amount it was before the sale price in the first place? 2) Do you actually believe that you are getting a bargain? 3) Do you think that you have enough hobbies and past times? In short-do you have a life? 4) Do you live outside of The USA? 5) In all honesty, do you feel like you have to buy things because other people are? For example, do you have to keep up with The Jones'? If you have answered yes to at least four of these questions, then you maybe need to reassess things in life.

We have no leader...BUT WE CAN WATCH THE TENNIS

Due to "Great" Britain not being in the EU anymore, times could get really difficult. I think anyone who voted to leave the EU were just desperate for a change. There are so many working class people with no future, nothing to hope for, nothing to look forward to. People need something-a lot of people have nothing. I am not saying whether the referendum decision was correct on incorrect, I did not vote. I have written a blog post on why I have never voted. As well as this, I think that there were a lot of blind votes-by this I mean people voting when they are not a hundred percent sure what the outcome even entails.The results of the EU votes have been made and they have been done and there is no going back. What shocks me most is that regardless of who voted what, the people should be sticking up for each other. People in Britain now more than ever should be thinking "We are not in the EU. We are alone. Now is the time that we NEED to stick up for each other. We NEED to be as one and fight for our future."

Instead we get people moaning about the results.

Instead we get people writing on social media about how pissed off they are with the results.

Instead we get people making petitions to re-vote??

How insane.

Petitions to have another vote do not make sense because anyone who voted to stay in the EU would sign the petition. Anyone who wants out, wouldn't hence why they voted that way in the first place.

People have to accept the decision that has been made and move on with life!

There have been disappointments. There have been let downs.

As I am writing this, Britain currently has no Prime Minister. He resigned after the results were announced. Several politicians have resigned their posts (some would say abandoned their country when they were needed the most) and this just goes to show how utterly disgraceful people in power seem to be. How spineless and how pathetic to do this when your country and the people in it need you more than ever.

|So...no Prime Minister. The country in disarray. People at odds with each other.

Who is there to save us? Wait...we have a royal family!! The Queen. The Princes. Somebody. Anybody.

But...wait. Again...wait. The Prince and probably the future Queen are watching the Wimbledon final, (Congratulations on Andy Murray winning Wimbledon for the second time).

So the question now is-What is the relevance of the royal family? Are they just a posh breed of scallies living off benefits? Why don't they say something or do something? Even if one of them just made a speech telling people that things were going to be OK?? Are they that pathetic and uninterested? Just like a jobless person who gets paid more than enough money to carry on living their lives...why would they bother doing anything as long as they are getting what they need.

The people celebrate The Jubilee, A new child being born into the family. A royal birthday...But why? What is the point? Why are the royal family even a thing? The commonwealth do not like Britain (give the independence but KEEP THE CROWN JEWELS), All of Europe now probably do no like Britain (even though nobody was too keen on Britain in the first place) and nobody really seems to care.

I think the "Great" in Britain has long gone and I think people-the royal family, the politicians and everyone who cannot accept a vote that has not gone their way to just be ashamed of themselves for not having any sort of integrity.

But at least we can all watch the tennis. Right?

Understanding depression

Sometimes when people are hungry, they will want to point out how hungry they are by declaring that they are "starving".

The human body could go up to a month without eating any food. It is not a healthy thing to do of course, but that is the fact of the human body. You would need water. No water for around ten days would be fatal. But the human body can go without food for around 30 days after all the stored fats, glucose, muscle mass and tissue have all become used...that is when your body will shut down. So when people claim that they are "starving" when they have gone a few hours without food is just a very exaggerated term.

People also use a term for when they feel down. That they are "depressed".

"That shop didn't have the ring in my size. It's well depressing".

"It's depressing watching them play football like that".

"It's so depressing that this place is going to close down".

These are all terms that I have heard people say today. Of course, they are all exaggerated. And it kind of annoyed me.  Should people be allowed to say they are depressed for such reasons? Is that not undermining what is a severe illness?

I am very ashamed to say that I do and have not treated mental health as seriously as I should have. I always used to think that when it came to mental health, something like depression for example, why would a person let that take over them? Surely the mindset could be strong enough to cope with such a silly thing? Surely if you were depressed, you could force yourself to get up and do something about it and live your life and become mentally stronger? And that this could make you a stronger person? After all, what if someone wasn't diagnosed with depression? They wouldn't know any better. So how could they not at least try to live their life to the fullest if they had no clue that their setbacks they suffer in their minds was actually an illness?

But if you don't understand it, then how can you make decisions about it? How can you judge it? And also, if you were depressed, but you weren't diagnosed as depressed-in other words if you hadn't been to the doctor-what happens then?

I don't understand it...Or do I understand it better than I think?

It is normal for everyone to feel down at some point. This is life. But if feeling down got in the way of actually doing everyday things in life-then this could be depression. And I have felt like that myself a lot of the times. I am sure that there are a lot of people who haven't been diagnosed with depression that have and are going through this right this very minute.

So far, it is still a bit of a taboo subject. People do not seem to be exploring this illness as much as they probably should be. It seems to be kind of pushed to the side. One example being the anti-depressants. It seems that they are just prescribed by doctors to "help cope" with depression but in my own personal opinion, I have to ask the question whether this is just a case of accepting things rather than getting to the root of the problem. Also with bipolar disorder-which is also known as manic depression (where your mood can gradually go from one extreme to the other and your behaviour may be impulsive and you would be very hyper and have little or no sleep), anti-depressants can actually be worse for you.

People often mistake feeling sadness is depression. This is not necessarily the case. Depression can be down swings in mood, emptiness, restlessness, being irritable and/or short tempered.

You kind of lose interest in pleasurable things.
Your behaviour can become very reckless.
You have problems concentrating.
Your body aches. You have no energy.

There are some very interesting facts about depression too. Depression rates for women are double than that of those in men but men have a higher suicide risk. As well as this, men apparently are more reluctant to admit that they are feeling like this. So could talking about it be very beneficial?

So how would someone put up with mood swings, sadness with no explanation and feelings of suicide and not wanting to face the world? Is there are an actual cure for all this? Apparently not. Anti-depressants have so many side effects that people actually feel worse for a long time before they actually supposedly start to feel better-that is what they say however in my opinion, it is just your body and mind getting used to them-not so long ago, someone was diagnosed with depression, was given anti-depressants and then that poor person committed suicide. So what does a person with depression do to beat this? Is it even possible to do so?

And what does all this do to a person who would know someone close to them who is suffering from depression? Whether it has been diagnosed or not? Not only is it difficult actually having depression, but it is also difficult dealing with a person who has depression. I very much now believe that depression could also be contagious. Imagine if you care for someone with depression? How would it make you feel if no matter what you did. no matter what you said or anything you could do for them just didn't matter? How would that make you feel?? It would make you feel really down. It would make you feel empty. It would make you feel like there is no point.

Maybe I will continue this on another blog post. I don't know, But right now, I believe that depression MUST come from somewhere. Whether it be something very obvious that had recently happened to you or whether it is an underlying sadness from something that could have happened to you in the past but has affected you and is still affecting you because you never dealt with it and are still having trouble coming to terms with it. Maybe it is that long ago that you have even forgotten what it is. It is at the back of your mind, hidden away under a million other thoughts you have had since then.

Maybe getting to the root of the problem and dealing with it is the key.

From the research that I have done, for anyone that is suffering from depression, get help. Talk to someone. Statistics say that talking to someone helps. On a good day, make the decision to get help BEFORE you have a bad day. Because it is not just yourself that is hurting.

 It is the people that care about you who are suffering too.