Christmas time for me

Time for some catharsis guys. Get ready.

Having worked mostly in retail all my working life, it's almost a given that I hate the build up to Christmas.

"You've ruined my childs' Christmas!"

"Why can't you get more staff in?! I've been waiting half an hour!!"

"I want to see your manager! I am not happy!

"I'm next! I'm next!! I'm next!!!"

"I want! I want!! I want!!!"

People are really needlessly angry, stressed, annoyed. This is what Christmas is about-or at least has become about. The behaviour of some can get ridiculous. On a more personal level, the actual day-Christmas day...it really has never been too big a deal. Now I feel almost guilty celebrating it.

I used to always wake up around midday and slightly hungover. Irresponsible of course-as always. Fucking hell I was a shit son. My father used to get up early to make the food. There was always way too much food at the end of it. That was just his way though. Having struggled for food in the early years of his life, it was almost as if he had to make up for that shortage in his older years. My mother would be sat in the living room pissed off about nothing in particular and be watching some awful Indian TV show absolutely refusing to participate in anything festive-not because she hated Christmas, but just because she didn't seem to like it when people were trying to have a good time. My sister would arrive and then so would one of my dads' brothers. Everyone apart from my mother would then eventually sit in the dining room to eat. My mother would get pissed off at people having alcohol and trying to be merry. It was always slightly uncomfortable but oddly quite cosy at the same time. And it was good. What it was-was OK.

And now it is all different. My dad is not around. I don't really want to celebrate Christmas as it just doesn't feel right. But it is almost peer pressure. Everywhere you go, everyone you talk to-it is all about Christmas. I'm not Scrooge, I'm not a grumpy kind of "Bah Humbug" person and I'm definitely not one of those people who when witnessing the "magic" and "miracle" of Christmas can then be changed and then become happy and enjoy it. And not that I believe in Jesus. That subject is almost irrelevant to me. But the fact that people think more about a major brand of soft drink at Christmas than they do of Jesus Christ just does not seem right. Christmas is used for marketing. Christmas is used so people can say "I want this for Christmas".

Sorry, but why the heck should you get anything for Christmas?? Birthdays-yes. You were BORN on that day so whatever many years ago. It's a celebration of your life. Christmas is not celebrating, It is peer pressure and it is stressful and it is saddening.

So does not liking Christmas make me a bad person??

I thought-or would like Christmas to be about helping people. Having a day where you can find some kind of comfort from all the horrible people and the horrible things in the world. I think Christmas time is the time where in the UK, more people commit suicide than any other time in the world. I wish I could help stop this. I understand how the stress can get to people and how they cannot cope. People get in mountains of debt for one day of what they call "celebration". Not only should all of this NEVER happen but how has it even come to this?

I am made out to be a bad person, or a sad,/miserable person just because I do not like Christmas. It is uncomfortable for me. It is stressful, It is hypocritical, It upsets me.

But yet I am almost forced to participate in it.