For some reason I felt it appropriate to put on here.
Why the fuck not? Here it is:-
Hello. No need for me to tell you who this is as you can probably tell from my name. I can imagine the name "Dhimar" turns the pupils in your eyes into pound signs.
First of all, I would like to make a request in that you don't go to mandirs (temples) and broadcast about you "winning the case". I can't believe a place of worship even has solicitors coming in for speeches in the first place. That is sickening in itself. What is more sickening is how you told everyone there about this case. Even though you didn't mention any names, the Indian community is fairly small and close knit. Everyone knows each other and can put two and two together. I really don't want to go onto the street and have another person come up to me asking about my fathers' money and what happened to it and why you were involved.
As I wasn't at the temple when you said this, I am unsure as to whether you were bragging/showing off about it or whether you were just being really unprofessional and quite frankly, idiotic to mention your confidential dealings.
It is either one of the two. Either way, you should not be talking about confidential matters in public like that. Or it could be that there is some part of you that actually enjoyed being a part of something as horrific as this.
Secondly, not that it means anything to you but I miss my dad. So does my sister. Personally for myself, I have had trouble eating when I am at "home" for the past six months. I am fine when I am outdoors or at a friends but when I am at home, I just cannot eat. I have always had trouble sleeping (since I was 16 years old or so) and now eating too. I had to go to the Doctors' three times as it was really affecting my health. I was crying in my sleep and then I developed breathing problems.
And then my mother went to you to get the hands on the money my dad wanted me and my sister to have.
Obviously it is your job to help my mother. I understand that. You have to earn a living even if it is going against a dead mans' wishes. You have to feed your own kids etc.
My dad didn't want my mum having any of this money. Originally me and my sister were going to share it with her anyway as we both know how much money means to her.
For about nine months or so I have been out of work and I moved back home. It has not been easy at all for various reasons. I am used to working and most of my working life I worked two jobs. There was a time when I was working in four places at once and there were days when I would wake up and forget which job I was supposed to be that. Luckily I am temping at the minute.
Contrary to what my mum may have told you, my dad paid the bills. My dads' name was on ALL the bills. Every single one of them. Whilst I was working, I used to give my dad some money. OF COURSE I used to do this. My dad really hated taking money from me and he would very reluctantly accept. It is only right as much as he thought it was wrong. When I was out of work, he flat out refused to take anything from me and I accepted this as it was more difficult for me to do this with hardly any income.
After my dad passed away, it was obviously the worst thing to ever have happened. I'm not sure if you have had a parent that has passed away so I can't say if you know what it is like. I'm not sure if either of your parents are like my mother either. Everything was so surreal as it still is. My sister was coming over a lot and me her and my mum were together a lot of the times. Anything that occurred in the past had been forgotten. I will get to what I mean by that later.
Even though I didn't have a job, I was paying for the phone, TV and internet bills (all in one with Virgin Media). Ironically I hardly EVER use the phone and I hardly EVER watch the TV. One day whilst I was out, she told my sister to come round and to put it back in her name. I never understood why she did this until I realised that it obviously made it look like she was paying for everything and that would help YOU get her the money that was entitled to me and my sister. Maybe you are even that intelligent to have told her to do this. Maybe.
About 2 months before my dad passed away, my mum asked my dad about the death in service. She told him that she didn't want him to have it. My dad said he didn't have it. The reason he told her this was because he didn't want my mum to have ANY of it. He already knew that my mum was absolutely loaded (six bank accounts) and that if any money was to be left, it would go to me and my sister and our future. My sister has a mortgage to pay and I have struggled the past year or so. I don't eat much at home anymore but I do buy my own food. I contributed to the bills. You of course wouldn't want this to be true as it would make it easier for you to claim the money in saying that I didn't help with the bills.
But as I stated, my dad wanted me and my sister to have it and NOT my mum. You have gone against a dead mans' wishes. But as I have said, you are doing your job and I want to clarify as much as you might tell yourself different, I want to clarify that this isn't about the money. I repeat, this is NOT about the money. To YOU and to my mum it is. NOTHING or NO AMOUNT OF MONEY can bring my dad back. You and my mother clearly care more about the money than about my dad. Fair enough.
But to me and my sister, it is about our dads' last wish. If he wanted it to go to mum, I would have accepted it and me nor my sister wouldn't have even dreamed of doing something as sick as getting a solicitor to claim something that isn't ours from a family member! Hence neither of us appealed against the decision. We wouldn't stoop to that level. It is unthinkable to me.
I have spoken to my mum once since. I told her to leave me alone as I found it hard and still do to speak to her. My sister doesn't speak to her at all as she is as horrified as I am.
Now you may be thinking why on Earth my dad wouldn't want any money going to my mum.
As I said, she is already loaded. After he passed away, she bought a new carpet, new sofas and is getting a new car and this is BEFORE the Death in Service even came to light. She had everything from his bank account (with most of the funeral costs being refunded).
But along with that, my mum used to call my dad a "bastard" a "dog" and all sorts of names whilst they were married. She has and always calls me them too. She has always opened my mail when the post arrives. She used to do it too my sisters' mail too which was one of the many reasons why she moved out. I'm sure you already know (being a high flying solicitor) that it is in fact illegal to open anyone elses' mail. One of my letters was an urgent hospital appointment. An urgent PRIVATE hospital appointment which she opened and hid away from me. The actual main reason my sister moved out was that she was bullied by our mum.
I am guessing that Park Cake Bakeries didn't ask my dad to update his Death in Service. Or he might have said to just leave it as it is as he didn't realise that you have to update it even if you are wanting to keep the same person(s) on it. So maybe this was used by yourself to get it. Park cakes obviously have to look out for themselves hence maybe they crumbled. Again- Maybe.
I know this doesn't matter to you and you might even think that this is funny. My mum slams doors and throws things around the room. This can affect a person ESPECIALLY in the long term so can you imagine how my dad was like having to live with this the majority of his life. He was bullied as am I and as was my sister. Having what was rightfully entitled to me would have given me the chance for a deposit. I could have gotten away from this.
About 2 and a half years before my dad passed away, he had to have an operation on his heart. He got through this but as his diet wasn't always healthy, I knew something bad was going to happen again soon as a lot of my uncles have been passing away recently (and before the pupils in your eyes turn into pound signs again, no, they have got all their finances sorted already).
I kept repeatedly saying to my mum to go to India to see the relatives because he might not make it again if something else happens. She always used to say "Eee dog ne sathe kaun javanoo" meaning "who's going to go with that dog?"
Do you speak like that to your husband or kids?
He used to go to the pub on Friday nights and then always rush back home before my mum got in from work as he wasn't allowed to enjoy his life. He used to get stressed out about how mum would act. This really worried me as I know she always got under his skin. She wouldn't pick him up from the pub as I requested EVEN THOUGH AFTER SHE FINISHED WORK AT 10PM, SHE WOULD DRIVE PAST IT. He used to rush home in a taxi.
She used to ask my dad- "When are you going to fucking die?" This was constant.
Constantly fucking asking it.
And he is dead now. Is she happy? Are you happy?
In some ways, the only way to get away from an abusive person is Death. It is horrible to say I know but in some ways, maybe it was the best thing that could have happened to him as at the time of his Death, he had 18 months left before he retired and then what? Stay at home to be verbally and emotionally abused even more? I am sure and I cannot shake off the feeling that maybe my dad had this in mind before he did pass away.
Why live a life of abuse when you can just...go away?
She called him a "dog" and a "Bastard" repeatedly since I was a child and probably way before I was born too.
The mortgage on the house is paid off. My mum could sell the house and get a smaller one and have about £50,000 in the bank.
She bought a new carpet, new sofas and is getting a new car. I am struggling to get a bus pass for work.
As I said, I know you don't care and somebody like you who is in it PURELY to get money for herself so this whole email could just be pointless. You could just laugh it off. You could even go to the temple and start telling everybody about it and have a good laugh about it. Because you're clearly THAT professional.
Right?
I could write a lot more about the marriage, the bullying, the emotional abuse. Part of me is worried that you might go to the temple and tell everyone.
Personally for myself, I feel that my dads' ashes cannot be scattered right now. I do not know if there is a God out there. I do not know if there is an afterlife. I do not really know what I believe in but just in case that there is, there is no way that my father would ever rest in peace with all this taking place. With money being stolen from me and my sister.
Thank you for reading this.
Mukesh.
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