Am I dead?

It might be a strange question to ask.

But I have been thinking for about a month now about how very out of touch with the world and out of touch with people I am.

Unlike a lot of people around me, I don't have a Facebook account. I don't watch shit reality TV (watch this space for a post on that) which is actually most TV these days, I have no idea what is new in music, I didn't even know until a week ago that there are actually 3 Transformers movies. How the hell they made 3 is just beyond me after I somehow managed to get through watching the first one and wrote about it in this blog post:-
http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=7817154262617981257#editor/target=post;postID=280470456344617613

It wasn't worth anymore words.

Out of curiosity, last week I looked at the top ten of "The worlds' sexiest women" from a certain magazine (I actually looked at the results online). I didn't even recognise the woman at number 1. I had to read up about her. The questions I then asked myself were-Who? Why? and also How? The answer was the same to all 3 questions-I don't know. For those that read this who don't know who is number one and out of their own curiosity after reading this now want to know, trust me-don't waste your time. Others in the top 10 were disgusting, grotesque women. It shouldn't be called "The worlds' sexiest women" but instead, it should be called:-

"The worlds' most attention seeking hookers who are in the public eye the most and are actual full blown sluts".

Women like Rhianna (who looks like a starved Ethiopian boy-no offence to starved Ethiopian boys or any Ethiopians for that matter-), Katy Perry (who I have never seen the big deal about as she just looks like a huge chunk of lard) and Cheryl Cole (apparently the nations' sweetheart even though she beat up someone in a nightclub toilet).

Anyway, the point being that most of the women in the top 10, I didn't even recognise. Weird. Yet Everyone adores these women. And I don't understand it.

Manchester City winning the premier league title. That is messed up on so many levels. I keep thinking did it really even happen? Yes it did happen. Weird. And so was the way it happened.

My point to all this is that a lot of things are happening which I can't seem to grasp or fathom. I can't seem to make sense of. All that is written above is just my strange way of saying that. Of trying to put it all into words.

EVERYONE around me is going through life. Living life. Having kids, getting married, progressing in their careers, moving home, moving ABROAD. I feel like I am stuck in time. Watching everyone live a life and for some reason, can't seem to move forward. When I try to move forward, I just end up back in the same place. It is really difficult to explain. There is no progress and there doesn't seem to be any purpose either anymore.

I know I have wrote before about how maybe the world has ended and we are already in Hell. But what I didn't talk about enough was that Hell isn't a place with burning coal and being prodded by the devil with a red hot poking device. Just like Heaven isn't a place where everyone is dressed in white and playing the harp. What if hell is just to not live. And heaven is to live? The problem is, I just don't feel alive. Empty. Invisible. Non existent. Pointless.

I recently finished watching the AMAZING TV show that was called "Lost". It was actually the 2nd time round that I had watched it and I am so glad that I did. It is just absolutely incredible. Very thought provoking, amazing characters, brilliant script writing, the religious paradoxes, the exploration of ideas with time travel,  the Egyptian mythology used, the thought that free will and fate are tied together. All amazing. I know some people couldn't handle Lost. I know that there were a lot of people who stopped watching it because they stopped understanding and there were also a lot of people who did watch it all but still didn't understand it. To those people, I would just like to say one word:-

Idiots.

Now if there is anyone who HASN'T seen Lost and wants to watch it then you probably should stop reading now as it will spoil it. I better put it anyway-MAJOR SPOILER ALERT-

So right at the end of Lost, we as the viewers find out that everyone is dead. But that is only right at the end when Jack talks to his father in the sideways universe. The plane still crashed, the bomb had still gone off etc. Everything did happen. What we don't know is that how long each of them had lived for. For example, Hurley became protector of the island when Jack died (on the island) and Hurley could have lived for many many years before somehow connecting with the sideways universe. Libby who was voluntarily in a mental institute because she thought her memories from the island were irrational having not realised that they had actually happened. It was only when she physically touched Hurley who then remembered it all himself and then confirmed to Libby that she wasn't crazy. In the sideways universe, all the characters it seemed needed to find their loved ones before they could move on. On the island, all the characters needed to come to terms with who they are and do what they want before they would die on the island. For example, Charlie kicked his drug habit, Mr Ecko came to terms with his life and didn't confess anything as he thought what he did was right and then he died and right throughout the whole series when Jack just wanted everyone to get Kate off the island. He does it and then  he dies (on the island). In the sideways universe, it was Desmond that got a lot of them together, however some could say that no matter what, they would cross paths because they were MEANT to be together anyway. The consciousness was linked from the island to the sideways universe but then needed the physical touch to be able to remember which made for some beautiful scenes in the final episodes.

Anyway, my point to all this is that what if right now, with not just me, but other people too are in some kind of sideways universe and I am just "living" some life when I should be facing up to myself and getting ready to "move on". What if my own consciousness was linked to somewhere else but I haven't yet realised it. Far fetched and insane? Yes. Should I voluntarily go to a mental institute? Maybe. The only difference to me making that connection and to what happened in Lost is that all the characters in the sideways universe had created something that they had always wanted. Jack had a great relationship with his son, Kate had stopped running as she got caught, Sawyer became a cop and he really wanted all along was justice. Even Sayid was protecting Nadia as all he had ever wanted was for her to be safe but even in the sideways universe he didn't have Nadia as he was MEANT to be with Shannon. They all had lives they had wanted whereas with me, I have NOT got the life I want but can you imagine if there was a subconscious link to something amazing which I just hadn't connected with yet? The same could be said for a lot of us. I am not saying that we have been on a plane and crashed on an island somewhere. But what if there was something out there that I hadn't come in connection with yet that could change my life for the better? Something that is MEANT to happen to me?

It's something to hope for because what else is there?