In an age where internet dating is the most popular way of "meeting" people, where everyone poses for pictures, writes a profile and then picks and chooses who to chat to and then gets to "know someone", it might seem like an easy way to date. But it actually is a whole load of shit. It is not like those horrid adverts that you see where 2 people sing along to the same tune all of a sudden. I don't think that they even do that crap in Bollywood films as much as they used too anymore.
I tried internet dating myself, out of simple curiosity. It is pointless. If you wanted to, you can put one side of yourself to show the other person. They don't see your mannerisms, charm, body language, tone of voice etc all until after you arrange to meet. Strangely, these are the most important factors that I think why you get to like someone in the first place. I have noticed a lot recently that people don't even ask for numbers anymore. It is always "Are you on Facebook?" Someone actually said to me a couple of weeks ago that I was sad because I didn't have a Facebook.
The irony.
I realise that some people may not have the time to meet someone and therefore do resort to the internet. I myself work crazy hours. I constantly get asked by people:-"Mukesh, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Society seems to think that everyone in the world has to be with someone.
Unlike most people I know, I really don't feel the need to have someone. I hear people say things like "Oh my partner makes me feel complete". If you need someone to make you feel complete then you have some kind of problems that you need to address and you also need to rethink things. Whatever it is that makes a person feel complete, it is not another person.
I don't think that I have met a girl in the last 5 years that had made me think "wow, I wanna be with her forever." In fact, it was around 5 years ago that I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't get in touch with a certain someone until I stopped being a loser. I always think that I should be a better person than I am. I suppose it makes it worse with the fact that I have in the past met some amazing girls who I did think the world of. Unfortunately, none of them are in my life anymore, but does this mean that now I have to settle for less? That I should just get together with someone who really doesn't make me feel anything? Not that I compare anyone from the past to someone I might meet now. But unlike me, I do know that a lot of people get together only because they are afraid of being alone. How pathetic. No wonder a lot of relationships end up in the toilet.
When I was in London a few days ago whilst I was on the tube, I saw a girl who was probably one of the most beautiful girls I've seen in recent times. She was stood on the other side of the carriage that I was on. A good few people stood in between us. I stared at her, a slight part of me aware that I was probably drooling, with my eyes popping out of my sockets and I was even trembling a little. She caught my eye and I did indeed think "damn it I've scared her".
But she held my gaze. My friend whispered in my ear "There's a girl over there.."
"I know. She is beautiful."
After about 2 minutes of completely being lost, the train stopped. She had come to her stop whilst I had to stay on. She got off the carriage and walked down the platform whilst I was still inside. I waved at her. She laughed and waved back. One friend agreed with me that it was "the moment of the day" but another just said it was "sad".
No words, no pictures or profiles. No anything. Just a gaze and a wave. But it was enough to make me smile and sometimes that is all I want.
Maybe romance isn't dead just yet.
"If you need someone to make you feel complete then you have some kind of problems that you need to address and you also need to rethink things."
ReplyDeletethe reason people feel complete when they have a partner is because we are evolutionarily tuned to want to reproduce and spread our genes. The finding of a partner (a social construct, rather than an evolutionary one) helps with this because it's a safety-net against what a lot of people fear at the most base level. Which is not being able to spread their seed and not having someone to carry their genes onwards.
"Whatever it is that makes a person feel complete, it is not another person."
I don't think it is another person, rather it's the chance of passing on your genes that makes you feel complete or safe.
Men have a much lower parental investment than women (men is basically just having sex, whereas women need to stay with the child for minimum 5 years) This is basically how humans came to be so widespread, through the systematic mass-breeding by men to ensure a massive population growth (going back thousands of years, near Neanderthal era)
After this organised religion became an incredibly important part of life on Earth, with empires being built purely on the systematic and hierarchical order that organised religion creates. Basically, people stopped doing things for themselves because they feared repercussions from God, and instead worked together to build an empire. This created social-constructs which got rid of the 'ooh me caveman, you woman, give sex now' ideology and gave birth to people looking for life partners to ensure they passed on their seed.
From birth we're raised in a society that places a lot of importance on finding a partner and passing on your genes, that is why people say a partner makes them 'feel complete' because without one it would be very difficult for them to actually have a baby, realistically speaking (i know their are exceptions where people have one night stands etc).
And of course, it's not realistic to think that you're going to meet a girl and think you want to be with them forever right away. I don't think anyone really believes in that Hollywood version of true love. Love, as we know it in society, is just a certian set of chemical reactions in the brain that you both experience, drawing you closer together and creating a bond. This bond THEN grows stronger through the trauma of shared experience, until you feel comfortable staying with this person for an extremly extended period of time. Everyone's relationship has problems, and if everything was perfect married life would be a breeze, when it's pretty well-known it's going to be a massive struggle.
And i dunno, i think think internet dating (i haven't ever tried it though so this is purely speculation) is a good thing, it allows you to connect, or at least try to connect, with people you would otherwise never have the chance to. People in the same city you would never meet because they happen to frequent a different bar to you, or don't work in the same place. And although i can see why it isn't for everyone, i think the whole pre-talking before you meet, can be a good way to get rid of the nervousness that sometimes comes with a first date, and allow you to lay down the frame-work for a better relationship because you already kind of know the person and are more relaxed and therefore able to MAKE real connection. I think it's really well suited to those who might have social anxiety or maybe be socially awkward, or even those who just want to try something new in the dating world.
and moment of the day was without a single doubt:
"yeah but...who cares?"