Work colleague:- She is pretty. Don't you think so?
Me:- She is alright. Not really that pretty. Not much about her.
Work colleague:- Oh.... right. I assume that you just go for Indian girls then?
Me:- No. The work colleague then replied:-Oh....but....what would your parents say if you went for a white girl?? Would they be against it?? Are they religious?? My reply was:-What would that have to do with what kind of girls I like?? The work colleague then proceeded to say:- Well, would you get into trouble if you took a white girl home with you?? Some religions are mad, you can't do anything. So are you different then?? What kind of stuff do you do?? Or are you more British like us??
Me:- I am nothing like you.
I then walked out of the room. This, as well as the other "conversation from work" on this blog is a word for word conversation that took place.
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Goodbye Mahendra
I thought that seeing as I was unable to say anything at the funeral, then it would be easier for me to write something now, but that seems difficult too.
There was so much that my uncle went through in life. Just after he regained full health and was so full of life again, he passed away. It just doesn't make any sense.
I think that everybody who knew my uncle can all learn something from him and that is that no matter how bad things can get in your life, no matter what you have to go through, you can still always look on the positive side of things and keep smiling and laughing and being jolly and making other people happy. This is a very rare quality to have but there is no reason why everyone including myself can't be like this.
Rest In Peace Mahendra Kaka .Hopefully I am wrong and that there is a heaven as that is where you deserve to be.
There was so much that my uncle went through in life. Just after he regained full health and was so full of life again, he passed away. It just doesn't make any sense.
I think that everybody who knew my uncle can all learn something from him and that is that no matter how bad things can get in your life, no matter what you have to go through, you can still always look on the positive side of things and keep smiling and laughing and being jolly and making other people happy. This is a very rare quality to have but there is no reason why everyone including myself can't be like this.
Rest In Peace Mahendra Kaka .Hopefully I am wrong and that there is a heaven as that is where you deserve to be.
Monday, 15 November 2010
Karma or just a load of crap??
A few years ago I told one of my then work colleagues that for something good to happen to me-a lot of bad things always seemed to have to happen first. I then read this same statement in a Spider-man graphic novel a week later and at the time, I couldn't believe how strange that was.
I used to think that anytime you did something bad, it would come back to get you in some way. I would always constantly think about bad things that I had done in my life and always wondered how and what I could do to make karma not want to punish me. Even though I firmly believe that you make your own decisions and your own path in life, I also believe that things are always going to try and break you and I also used to believe that past misdeeds would come back to haunt you. But now I am not so sure.
There are so many cruel idiots in the world. Nothing bad I see even surprises me anymore. As I have mentioned before, I would always question people as to why they were behaving in such a way-they would never have an answer purely because they would never need an answer because Karma hasn't done anything to them. Their lives aren't bad, so why would they need to question themselves?? One of many examples is how many times do you hear about a woman staying with her unfaithful boyfriend?? Or a husband that beats her?? You hear about it all the time. The woman still stays with them. "But he really loves me, I know he does" or "But he will change for me, he told me so" etc etc etc..... But the point is that she will stay with him because she is punishing herself. The guy will never then need to think that he needs to change. Why should he as this is the kind of behaviour is what the girl must like so therefore he will never have to wonder if Karma will come to get him. As much as I love Manchester United, it was strange that after the Wayne Rooney cheating on his wife with 2 prostitutes story came out, his wife ended up staying with him and he ended up getting a pay rise from the club from £100,000 a week to up to £250,000! Is this Karma??
I saw a complete idiot who was one of the Pakistanis who bullied me in school. He also repeatedly used to sexually harass a girl in one of my classes. At the time I was too much of a coward. Way too much. (Just want to mention that he is probably one of the ugliest people in the history of all people). I was convinced that sooner or later his life will become so bad it would be unbearable and that he would want to commit suicide. That is if he wasn't killed in some horrible way first. When I saw him, he was getting out of a brand new Range Rover with his wife/girlfriend and son. He was laughing (Ugliest laugh I have ever heard) and didn't notice me. So much for fucking karma. (First time I have sworn on my blog) I mean there could be many problems in his life and stuff but from where I was standing, that didn't seem the case. Is this Karma??
I then started to think that maybe it was all just random chaos and anything could happen to anyone at anytime. But that thought didn't last too long in my head.
I think now, it has come to the point where I am actually starting to believe that you have to be evil to have a good life. You have to do bad things and then good things will happen. I would never in my life encourage people to do bad things nor would I ever purposely do bad things. But it seems that if you want to be happy then this is the way to go.
There could be a heaven. There could be a hell. Where the people mentioned above might just burn for eternity. But I'm beginning to think that people feel the need to believe that heaven and hell must exist to make sense of this all. People need to believe. What is the point in living life and watching people who don't deserve happiness be happy and more better off?? If I knew for sure that there was a hell then it probably wouldn't bother me as much. But let's face reality-there isn't a heaven or hell most probably and as harsh as it sounds, our bodies probably just rot and then we end up getting forgotten about.
There just doesn't seem to be much justice in the world.
As for our souls?? Things like The X Factor, Pop music and Facebook have probably long killed them by the time we die. Well, long killed most of them.
I used to think that anytime you did something bad, it would come back to get you in some way. I would always constantly think about bad things that I had done in my life and always wondered how and what I could do to make karma not want to punish me. Even though I firmly believe that you make your own decisions and your own path in life, I also believe that things are always going to try and break you and I also used to believe that past misdeeds would come back to haunt you. But now I am not so sure.
There are so many cruel idiots in the world. Nothing bad I see even surprises me anymore. As I have mentioned before, I would always question people as to why they were behaving in such a way-they would never have an answer purely because they would never need an answer because Karma hasn't done anything to them. Their lives aren't bad, so why would they need to question themselves?? One of many examples is how many times do you hear about a woman staying with her unfaithful boyfriend?? Or a husband that beats her?? You hear about it all the time. The woman still stays with them. "But he really loves me, I know he does" or "But he will change for me, he told me so" etc etc etc..... But the point is that she will stay with him because she is punishing herself. The guy will never then need to think that he needs to change. Why should he as this is the kind of behaviour is what the girl must like so therefore he will never have to wonder if Karma will come to get him. As much as I love Manchester United, it was strange that after the Wayne Rooney cheating on his wife with 2 prostitutes story came out, his wife ended up staying with him and he ended up getting a pay rise from the club from £100,000 a week to up to £250,000! Is this Karma??
I saw a complete idiot who was one of the Pakistanis who bullied me in school. He also repeatedly used to sexually harass a girl in one of my classes. At the time I was too much of a coward. Way too much. (Just want to mention that he is probably one of the ugliest people in the history of all people). I was convinced that sooner or later his life will become so bad it would be unbearable and that he would want to commit suicide. That is if he wasn't killed in some horrible way first. When I saw him, he was getting out of a brand new Range Rover with his wife/girlfriend and son. He was laughing (Ugliest laugh I have ever heard) and didn't notice me. So much for fucking karma. (First time I have sworn on my blog) I mean there could be many problems in his life and stuff but from where I was standing, that didn't seem the case. Is this Karma??
I then started to think that maybe it was all just random chaos and anything could happen to anyone at anytime. But that thought didn't last too long in my head.
I think now, it has come to the point where I am actually starting to believe that you have to be evil to have a good life. You have to do bad things and then good things will happen. I would never in my life encourage people to do bad things nor would I ever purposely do bad things. But it seems that if you want to be happy then this is the way to go.
There could be a heaven. There could be a hell. Where the people mentioned above might just burn for eternity. But I'm beginning to think that people feel the need to believe that heaven and hell must exist to make sense of this all. People need to believe. What is the point in living life and watching people who don't deserve happiness be happy and more better off?? If I knew for sure that there was a hell then it probably wouldn't bother me as much. But let's face reality-there isn't a heaven or hell most probably and as harsh as it sounds, our bodies probably just rot and then we end up getting forgotten about.
There just doesn't seem to be much justice in the world.
As for our souls?? Things like The X Factor, Pop music and Facebook have probably long killed them by the time we die. Well, long killed most of them.
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Diwali
Diwali-Also known as "The festival of light" is simply beautiful. During Diwali, candles are lit to signify the triumph of good over evil and also to signify the inner light of purity within oneself. That there can be good in all man. That in total darkness there can still be light. That there can still be hope. It represents to commit good deeds and bring us closer to divinity.
It's probably the only time in the year where my family all actually get along with each other. The only time in the year where I actually think that things are OK. No matter how bad things might be-things are still OK-if that even makes sense.
There are stories-lots of stories, amazing stories that should be read. There are a ton of books and a ton of websites which will explain the best part of the year more better than I ever could. Please check them out.
It's probably the only time in the year where my family all actually get along with each other. The only time in the year where I actually think that things are OK. No matter how bad things might be-things are still OK-if that even makes sense.
There are stories-lots of stories, amazing stories that should be read. There are a ton of books and a ton of websites which will explain the best part of the year more better than I ever could. Please check them out.
Wednesday, 27 October 2010
Everyone wants to laugh
Whilst I was in college studying Drama, anytime we were given something to improvise, most of the time everyone including myself, would do something funny. Make people laugh. This was the easy thing to do and a safe option. You could easily do something silly, say something funny, anything really and people would laugh. If anyone was given a task to make someone cry, it would be a lot more difficult to do. This isn't because the person isn't able to make other people cry-it's because people who are watching and listening are too afraid to be sad. How many times do you hear people say "Oh I don't like that song, it's too depressing" or, "I can't watch that film, it makes me cry." These are people that are afraid to connect with their emotions. Kurt Vonnegut once even said:-
"Laughter and tears are both responses to both frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterwards."
Now there is nothing wrong with this at all. Who wouldn't want to be constantly happy all the time?? However in the current way of the world, this is actually impossible to do unless you were on some kind of happy pills. But surely it is better to be however your feeling, regardless of what others might say?? Regardless to what you might have to "clean up".
If I went into work and spoke to one of my colleagues or if I spoke to one of the many acquaintances I have and said something along the lines of "I'm feeling really down today, I feel so sad, I don't think I can take much more of life", people would believe it or not-laugh. Their response would be something like "Oh Muk, ha ha, he is always depressed ha ha". They would be too afraid to want to actually even want to talk to me seriously and cast aside what I would truly be feeling and pass it off as a joke. People that actually really know me, which is unfortunately not many anymore, would probably want to sit down and talk to me. The majority of the people who read this blog seem to focus on the few funny bits rather than the serious ones.
I am not saying that everyone should be sad. I'm not saying everyone should go around and be downbeat and have negative feelings all the time. I'm trying to say that everyone should just feel how they are feeling and not act out an emotion. If you're happy, be happy. If you're sad, be sad. If you're angry, then be angry. But don't kid yourself to be feeling something you're not as this can just send your soul into oblivion.
Pablo Neruda once said "Laughter is the language of the soul". That could be true, but only if you really feel like laughing. Otherwise it is better to cry then to pretend.
"Laughter and tears are both responses to both frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterwards."
Now there is nothing wrong with this at all. Who wouldn't want to be constantly happy all the time?? However in the current way of the world, this is actually impossible to do unless you were on some kind of happy pills. But surely it is better to be however your feeling, regardless of what others might say?? Regardless to what you might have to "clean up".
If I went into work and spoke to one of my colleagues or if I spoke to one of the many acquaintances I have and said something along the lines of "I'm feeling really down today, I feel so sad, I don't think I can take much more of life", people would believe it or not-laugh. Their response would be something like "Oh Muk, ha ha, he is always depressed ha ha". They would be too afraid to want to actually even want to talk to me seriously and cast aside what I would truly be feeling and pass it off as a joke. People that actually really know me, which is unfortunately not many anymore, would probably want to sit down and talk to me. The majority of the people who read this blog seem to focus on the few funny bits rather than the serious ones.
I am not saying that everyone should be sad. I'm not saying everyone should go around and be downbeat and have negative feelings all the time. I'm trying to say that everyone should just feel how they are feeling and not act out an emotion. If you're happy, be happy. If you're sad, be sad. If you're angry, then be angry. But don't kid yourself to be feeling something you're not as this can just send your soul into oblivion.
Pablo Neruda once said "Laughter is the language of the soul". That could be true, but only if you really feel like laughing. Otherwise it is better to cry then to pretend.
Wednesday, 13 October 2010
Ignorance is bliss or Knowledge is power??
People seem to be obsessed with a programme called The X Factor-a glorified karaoke competition. A programme that helps stop real artists' music getting across. A programme that completely destroys the point of making music. People watch this and judge.
There was a programme called Big Brother which has thankfully now ended. In this there were a load of attention seeking, desperate for fame people in a house. That was it. That was the whole thing of what it was about. People in a house. People would watch this and judge.
There are numerous programmes that are shown throughout the daytime where it seems that people put their whole dignity on the line. Programmes such as The Jerry Springer or the Jeremy Kyle show. In these shows, people attempt to "solve" their problems by revealing to the world their deep personal issues (eg the other day it was on in work and some guy had slept with his brothers' wife and gotten her pregnant-the wife didn't know whos' baby it was). The host of the show would then degrade and belittle whoever he thought would please the audience. People watch this and judge-as well as claiming that they watch these kind of programmes to "feel better about themselves".
Just over 8 years ago before The Commonwealth Games event took place in Manchester, a very horrific, sickening thing happened in the town in which I live in. A family got murdered. It took me 3 full weeks to actually find out the details as when I looked in the national newspaper the next day, there was a 12 page special on Big Brother but no news on this murder. In the news and the local paper, there still was no information about this. I wondered maybe the reason why it didn't make the news was because I live in a small town but why not the local paper?? Some people later explained to me that they couldn't print something so horrific whilst The Commonwealth Games were about to start in the same city. Then 3 weeks later, there was a short bit in the local newspaper about what had happened. And as awful and as sickening as this murder was, the real disturbing fact about it I will tell later.
When I was in college at the time, I was studying Theatre Studies and one of our projects was to do a performance on anything we wanted. Any subject whatsoever that interested us. I wanted to explore why people were so interested in programmes like Big Brother. What made people watch these kind of shows?? Why were they so interested in things like watching people behave like idiots in a house?? If they wanted to see a karaoke competition, why not just go to a real one in a pub and actually see them sing?? Why are people so interested in watching other people humiliate themselves?? Rather than wanting to actually help them, they would prefer to just laugh at them. Why was something so horrific that happened so close to me just ignored?? At the time, I didn't understand. In some ways, I don't think I ever will.
My performance was so surreal. I set up a huge projector and had a recording of Entertainment Tonight and clips of other "celebrity" programmes showing on it. Next to it, I had a very small TV set up with what I considered to be actual news and events that are important to all of us. Then I had a huge table set up on the side with a load of newspaper cuttings of celebrity things (this included the 12 page Big Brother special along with many other related things). Then strewn across the floor, I had newspaper cuttings that were just small paragraphs (one of them being the story about the murder which was at most just 60 words) about things that were again, what I considered real important news. Plus I wrote a few very short scripts that I got my classmates to act out in a melodramatic "celebrity style" way. I barricaded all the seating and the idea was that when the audience walk in, they would see all this, would be unable to sit down and therefore actually be in the middle of all this which was supposed to represent that society is kind of forcing us all to focus on things that really aren't important and people become oblivious to things that are maybe more important and there was nothing anyone could do about it. However when some of the audience walked in, some of them tried to take the barricades on the seating down! They then sat on the floor not knowing what to do for about 10 minutes taking it all in. I thought I had failed miserably in what I was trying to put across and had to leave the room with my head down. But apparently, while they were all talking about my performance afterwards, they eventually understood what I was trying to do and the feedback I got was brilliant. Them not realising what was going on made the whole point of it work as that what I was trying to get across.
This performance was shortly done after I found out all the details about the murder and who was the culprit-it was a member of their own family. He was jailed for life.
There was a programme called Big Brother which has thankfully now ended. In this there were a load of attention seeking, desperate for fame people in a house. That was it. That was the whole thing of what it was about. People in a house. People would watch this and judge.
There are numerous programmes that are shown throughout the daytime where it seems that people put their whole dignity on the line. Programmes such as The Jerry Springer or the Jeremy Kyle show. In these shows, people attempt to "solve" their problems by revealing to the world their deep personal issues (eg the other day it was on in work and some guy had slept with his brothers' wife and gotten her pregnant-the wife didn't know whos' baby it was). The host of the show would then degrade and belittle whoever he thought would please the audience. People watch this and judge-as well as claiming that they watch these kind of programmes to "feel better about themselves".
Just over 8 years ago before The Commonwealth Games event took place in Manchester, a very horrific, sickening thing happened in the town in which I live in. A family got murdered. It took me 3 full weeks to actually find out the details as when I looked in the national newspaper the next day, there was a 12 page special on Big Brother but no news on this murder. In the news and the local paper, there still was no information about this. I wondered maybe the reason why it didn't make the news was because I live in a small town but why not the local paper?? Some people later explained to me that they couldn't print something so horrific whilst The Commonwealth Games were about to start in the same city. Then 3 weeks later, there was a short bit in the local newspaper about what had happened. And as awful and as sickening as this murder was, the real disturbing fact about it I will tell later.
When I was in college at the time, I was studying Theatre Studies and one of our projects was to do a performance on anything we wanted. Any subject whatsoever that interested us. I wanted to explore why people were so interested in programmes like Big Brother. What made people watch these kind of shows?? Why were they so interested in things like watching people behave like idiots in a house?? If they wanted to see a karaoke competition, why not just go to a real one in a pub and actually see them sing?? Why are people so interested in watching other people humiliate themselves?? Rather than wanting to actually help them, they would prefer to just laugh at them. Why was something so horrific that happened so close to me just ignored?? At the time, I didn't understand. In some ways, I don't think I ever will.
My performance was so surreal. I set up a huge projector and had a recording of Entertainment Tonight and clips of other "celebrity" programmes showing on it. Next to it, I had a very small TV set up with what I considered to be actual news and events that are important to all of us. Then I had a huge table set up on the side with a load of newspaper cuttings of celebrity things (this included the 12 page Big Brother special along with many other related things). Then strewn across the floor, I had newspaper cuttings that were just small paragraphs (one of them being the story about the murder which was at most just 60 words) about things that were again, what I considered real important news. Plus I wrote a few very short scripts that I got my classmates to act out in a melodramatic "celebrity style" way. I barricaded all the seating and the idea was that when the audience walk in, they would see all this, would be unable to sit down and therefore actually be in the middle of all this which was supposed to represent that society is kind of forcing us all to focus on things that really aren't important and people become oblivious to things that are maybe more important and there was nothing anyone could do about it. However when some of the audience walked in, some of them tried to take the barricades on the seating down! They then sat on the floor not knowing what to do for about 10 minutes taking it all in. I thought I had failed miserably in what I was trying to put across and had to leave the room with my head down. But apparently, while they were all talking about my performance afterwards, they eventually understood what I was trying to do and the feedback I got was brilliant. Them not realising what was going on made the whole point of it work as that what I was trying to get across.
This performance was shortly done after I found out all the details about the murder and who was the culprit-it was a member of their own family. He was jailed for life.
Wednesday, 6 October 2010
Conversation from work
A work colleague said to me
"I think the bus driver gave me the wrong change today. He gave me too much back. I asked for a £4:50p any bus daysaver and gave him a £10 note and he gave me £5:50p back. Yay!"
My reply was
"You gave him a £10 note for a £4:50p any bus daysaver and he gave you £5:50p back and you think that he gave you too much change??"
The work colleagues' reply to that was
"Erm, well yeah. he gave me too much back.......didn't he??"
(I then left the room)
"I think the bus driver gave me the wrong change today. He gave me too much back. I asked for a £4:50p any bus daysaver and gave him a £10 note and he gave me £5:50p back. Yay!"
My reply was
"You gave him a £10 note for a £4:50p any bus daysaver and he gave you £5:50p back and you think that he gave you too much change??"
The work colleagues' reply to that was
"Erm, well yeah. he gave me too much back.......didn't he??"
(I then left the room)
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